


If I had come back five years later

by bedlinens



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Deal With It, F/M, oh holy cow, so happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-12-27 07:20:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12076233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bedlinens/pseuds/bedlinens
Summary: What if Tara had in fact come back five years later than when she had, as Jax had marveled? This is a companion piece to "If I had come back Five years earlier". No copyright infringement intended, these characters are not mine.





	1. The Woman Of His Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> So, a little clarification before we begin. By the end of season 7, Abel is, let's say 3 and a half years old. Thomas can't be more than one year old, and my guts is telling me more like 9 months old, but let's establish the timeframe as we can: the show begins with Abel's birth, and that means when the show ends, it's been 3 years, and maybe a couple of months (even though a producer said it was only 2 to 2 and half years, but do you send kids so young to preschool?). So by my calculation, the show doesn't show me, no pun intended what the situation would have been like five years later, which means... Clean slate! I can write it all. Some events will have taken place, others won't. Also, I invented a charter for the story. It's inconsequential, but I'm coming clean about it  
> The story is taking place in 2014 (as the show started in 2008 and I'm giving myself an extra year because I'm superperstitous and the 13 part makes me a bit worried about whether or not tthis story will be readable). You have the basics!

   He was trying to keep it in, trying not to let people know how giddy it felt. He was a Son of Anarchy, Redwood Original and all that shit. He didn’t get to act like a teenage girl.

  Yet, he was, giddy, and ridiculously close to having a panic attack. It felt like too much. It was just a girl for crying out loud…

 Then again, it was not a girl. It was a woman. The woman, or so it felt. It had never felt like that, they had never felt like that. But she… She did. From day one. When it made no sense and his brain had short-wired when meeting her.

  When the guys at the Indian Springs charter had heard his drunken description of her, almost as a Christmas miracle, though it was nowhere near Christmas, they had recognized her and told him where to find her. Las Vegas. Made no sense yet at the same time, made all the sense in the world.

  He had gotten her address, and there he was on her doorstep, hitching to ring the bell and terrified of doing so. He tried to talk himself up. He was a fucking Son, Fucking hell and all that. The Reaper would be coming in person to take his soul and all that shit.

  Yet, there was a part of him he would never have acknowledged ever, who felt like a teenage boy, meeting his high school sweet heart after some time apart. Talk about some time…

  He fidgeted some more, then saw the neighbor watch him from their window. He knew that look, they’d call the cops any seconds now. It was a nice neighborhood, he did not belong here.

  He took a deep breath in, and let it out, working his neck like he was about to enter the fighting pit, then walked up to the door. It took all his will, but he managed to ring the door. His fate was sealed, what was next was next, and all that fucking shit.

  The door opened, and his jaw dropped. A little girl was holding the door open, with a bunny of some sort in her hands.

  “You’re not Brandi”, she muttered, seizing him up like she was a grand lady, an Old Lady even, and in a flash, he thought she could be… but she couldn’t?

  She was cute, he thought, but then again little girls were never ugly, at least not in their father’s eyes. She was sort of adorable, like a little bird, looking all haughty and uptight, but he felt shame when he realized there was fear in her eyes too though she tried to hide it.

  “I’m not Brandi, sweetie, can you get your mom around?”

  “Harper Knowles, what did your mom say about opening the door to strangers?” She – as in his- said, coming to pick up the little girl in her arms. “What are we going to do with you?”

  “He called me sweetie,” the little bird said. “I’m not sweet.”

  And finally, she saw him, and he saw everything in her eyes though he was not sure what it meant.

   “Watcha doing out there? Brandi is not coming for another 30 minutes and Harper needs to have her breakfast,” another woman appeared coming from another room in the house.

  He automatically looked up to see who the other voice belonged to, though the woman he had hoped to see was just in front of him. He found himself gasping:

  “Tara?”

  “Alexander?” Venus said.

  “Mister Trager?” Tara bloody Knowles said, coming to stand by the goddess of Love. (You know she was. She was. She just was. If you didn’t agree you could get out of his head).

  “What the fuck is going on?” He heard himself say.

  “Language,” the little girl chirped.


	2. Ghosts From The Past

  As she walked down the halls of the hospital, Tara felt as though her body was somewhere, but her mind was elsewhere.

  Mister Trager, or Tig, as he told her to call him…

  Venus had handled him in a beautiful way, Tara had to say from where she had been standing. She had managed to chastise the biker about coming around unannounced, especially this early in the morning when people were getting ready for their job. He had stammered, saying something along the lines of “but I looked for you”, and Venus had said that he was acting like a petulant kid and they would reconnect at a later time. She had sent him on his way, and what had amazed Tara was the way he had let himself be dominated in such a way.

  She didn’t remember the Sons being capable of that… Then again, they were the Sons, and he was a Son. Pack instinct and all that probably induced different behaviors with different people.

  She wanted to call Venus. When she had left, the woman had been showing her best “I’m fine don’t fuck with me” face, and she didn’t like knowing her friend was in distress.

  In the attendings' locker room, Tara fell face to face with a mirror, so to speak, and she took a long hard look at the scar that marred her face. It ran from above her right eyes, ran along her nose though less visible there, and ended on her top lip, near the slight plunge that fashion people called “Venus’ bow”. Nice expression, sure, but as a plastic surgeon, Tara always felt uneasy when people asked for a better shaped Venus’ bow. Surgery of the lips was tricky, apart from Botox which was a cop out.

  She didn’t do Botox. When there was a request, she stayed on site but would let an intern do the job after having marked with a pen the precise points the injection needed to be made. Her specialty was plastic surgery for sure, but she mostly did reconstructive ones. She was fixing people in her own way. She also did gender reassignment and all the secondary interventions it entailed. She was a plastic surgeon who was not after boob job and rejuvenation of places which never should be rejuvenated. It made her stand apart from her colleagues. She didn’t care.

  She let her finger brush her scar, then moved away, getting ready for her day at work.

  Her interns were working on the pit and she was chipping in this morning as she had no intervention planned.

  She tried not to think about Mister Trager – Tig - and what his presence meant. He could be there on his own… Hennessy, one of her interns came to meet her at the entrance of the ER, with a file on hand, and Tara pushed aside all thoughts that did not pertain to her job. Sons could wait.

  As it turned out, Sons couldn’t wait, Tara realized soon, when she was told by a nurse that she was required by name to take care of a patient they had placed in the VIP rooms. She should have seen it coming, but she hadn’t, and when she saw Jax on the bed, she almost dropped her file holder and ran away. She didn’t, of course, as she was a professional. But damn, those Sons were just gossipy… Like old women in search of a hobby.

  He looked… Hardened. Handsome still, but life had not been kind to him, she thought. It was in the way he looked. She knew she could not have come face to face with the boy she had left behind, not after so long, but still, it was a shock. Then again, it wasn’t. Who was she to be surprised? One of her interns, believing she was the meanest bitch to walk this Earth, had started calling her the Joker, both for her face and her behavior. The Joker was a long way from Young Tara.

  Jax’s nose was cracked. She noticed it right away, and started walking in his direction.

  “Hello Jax.”

  “Hello Doctor Knowles.”

  She found herself standing a little taller as her back was to him while she was washing her hands.

  “I can’t tell if that’s an attack, or if you’re just being … I don’t know.”

  “Not an attack. You’re a doctor. I’m proud.”

  “I should break your balls, literally, for thinking I needed your approval,” she said, turning back to him with a slight smile. “But thank you.”

  “You don’t fix balls?” He asked with a hint of a smile, and she snorted.

  “Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t… You don’t want to risk it.

  She grabbed a stool, and sat in front of him.

  “I’m going to start touching your injury, tell me when I hurt you, and don’t be a macho man. Pain is not to be trifled with. If I hurt you, I can make the wound worst.”

  “I’ll let my inner ninny out,” He said.

  She turned her head away from him, trying to hide a smile. This was not how she had pictured this reunion going. He was supposed to hate her, to look at her like she had caused him pain she was not worthy of, or something.

  She started delicately touching his bruised flesh, trying not to think about the fact that it was Jax. The Jax. Her Jax.

  “Tig told you he found me when he was looking for Venus?” She asked, wanting to dive in and not dance around the subject.

  “Nope, just…”

  “Come on Jax, your nose was punched, it was done this morning, and it was done precisely to draw blood and not make too much damages.”

  “I hate doctors,” was all he said.

  She looked at him, and that damn smile was on her lips again.

  “Ok, I don’t hate all doctors,” he said under a gaze, as if making a big concession. “How come Tig’s lust infatuation lives with you?”

   “I was looking for a roommate, and Venus needed a place to stay. I loved her from the moment I met her, and I can’t picture myself living with anybody else.”

  It was the truth. At some point, when she had gotten sick of being unable to sleep at night plagued by nightmares, and afraid for her kid, she had decided to offer a room in her house, hoping the presence of someone else would help her sleep better at night. It had. But she knew without a doubt that if it hadn’t been Venus, it would never have worked.

  His face hardened and he said:

  “When you left… You said you were going to become a neonatal surgeon. And now you’re a plastic surgeon… Does it have something to do with your scar?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Are we playing one word-answers?”

  “Probably,” she said, biting her tongue not to laugh.

  “Tig said you have a daughter. Or a little bird as he put it.”

  This time she laughed out loud.

  “Yep.”

  “You’re lucky. I’m sure she is too.”

  “What about you, where are you at?”

  “I had a son, five years ago, with my ex-wife. He died, of the family disease. I had a son for all of two hours.”

  She stopped smiling and said:

  “I’m so sorry Jax.”

  “It’s stupid and it’s in the past, but for a long time, I thought that if you had been there, a neonatal surgeon, Abel wouldn’t have died.”

  She did not know what to say, so she kept her mouth shot, fetching some compresses for the blood as well as the medicine she would need to clean it.

  “Can’t turn back time,” he finally said, and she could tell his pain was not healed.

  She thought about Harper and knew she never would have gotten over her baby dying.

  “I hate to ask, but, is there any chance your daughter could be mine?”

  “What if she was?” She said.

  “I’d like to know I guess. I don’t have any plans beyond that. I guess, I just want to know.”

   Their eyes met, and she did not know what to say. There was so much hope in his eyes, and for a moment, he was her Jax again.

 

 

Please read and review if you feel so inclined! I'm also looking for someone I could discuss a certain part with, if anybody is interested..


	3. Quiet Night

As she crossed the threshold, Harper asleep in her arms, Tara felt exhausted. This had not been an easy day.

She saw Venus in the kitchen, mouthing to her that she was going to reheat dinner and Tara smiled, winking. She dropped her purse wherever she could, then went to her baby’s room. Sure, the little girl was not, per se, a baby anymore, but she had just turned 4, and she was so sweet…

Tara carefully put her in her pajamas and laid Harper to sleep, leaving the door opened in case she woke up.

“It smells delicious in here,” she told the brunette as she walked back in.

“You know me…”

“I do,” she said, kissing her on the cheek and getting a peck in return.

Venus had different ways to handle the pressure, and one of them was to cook so that she could eat her feelings later. Tara could tell from the way she was trying to put up a façade that her friend had probably seen Tig but was not ready to share. She would be, later, and Tara would be there.

They had a feast, with penne all’arrabiata and some steak on the side. Both were silent, trying to make sense of the day they had had.

Jax had left the hospital hours before, but he was still on her mind. She thought about his late son, and felt her heart clench. How time had flown… She had never been sure she would see him again, but she was feeling extremely sad that his story was not a happy one. He didn’t deserve. Then again, who deserved such tragedies?

They made some small talk, discussing a few kids in transition they knew. That was how they had met, when Venus had moved to Vegas three years earlier. Tara was working with a clinic specialized in helping kids in transition and their families, as there were often tensions and things left unsaid which could come back to bite any of them at a later date. Transitioning was a difficult process people didn’t enter lightly, and the clinic tried to involve their family in the process without being intrusive, so that the kids would perhaps not feel so alone.

Venus had been recruited to animate a support group, where everyone was welcome, and provided a safe space beyond the medical aspects of the process. Tara was bound by the patient-doctor privilege, but Venus could let her know how morale was for example. They kept their work separate except for a few times when there was something worth mentioning. Venus mentioned the day’s session had been quiet, which was both formidable and terrible, though she never said it. It meant that the woman had had more time to think about herself and a certain Son. Venus would never moan about this, as a good session was rare, and it meant great things for their “protégés”.

Dinner was finished, and they each retreated in their own space. Tara went to put a large t-shirt for the night, then went to look at Harper who was still fast asleep. Thankfully, the girl had already had her supper at the hospital daycare. Tara would have hated for her to wake up angry. She breathed in and out softly, as she looked at the little girl. Her blonde hair was so light, Tara’s mother would have called her “sunkissed”, as she herself had been a blonde who got blonder when the sun “kissed” her hair. Tara tried not to think about her mother losing her hair in the end, and she focused on cherishing her daughter having inherited this trait. She loved the freckles on her daughter’s cheeks, it made her want to kiss them all individually.

“How’s the little one?” Venus asked softly, entering the bedroom.

“Sleeping. Careless. We should be so lucky.”

Venus chuckled lightly and said:

“But darling, luck is a treat we rarely get.”

“And we’re in Vegas, the town where luck is like a solar eclipse, a rare occurrence…”

“I’m going to bed,” her friend said with a lingering look and Tara smiled sweetly.

“I’ll come with,” she replied.

She stayed behind for a short time, brushing her daughter’s hair out of her face before kissing her cheek lightly.

She got up, and walked past her bedroom, and straight into Venus’. The woman was reading a book on her bed, and Tara could not resist jumping on the mattress.

“Nasty youngster,” Venus said, pretending to be annoyed.

“Are we too old to have slumber parties?” Tara asked as she got under the covers.

“It’s not a slumber party… We’re not having a pillow fight. And if we want to have slumber parties, we’ll just go with it. We’re two emancipated women, we get to do what we want.”

Tara said nothing, but put her head on her friend’s shoulder, who in turn wrapped her arm around her.

“If you and Tig get together, this could be one of our last cuddle parties…”

“That is a very big if. And even, in the unlikeliest scenario ever, if something was to happen there, he would not get to tell me who I can and cannot cuddle with. But once again, very big hypothesis.”

“I never figured your Alexander could be my “Mister Trager”, even though you told me he was from Charming.”

“Did you interact much, back in Charming?”

“Never. Or maybe once, I asked him to give me a lighter, and he told me that I was too young to be smoking pot. I was 15. He took my joint, and smoked it instead, saying he was doing me a favor.”

Venus’ laugh made Tara smile.

“Have you ever met his daughters?”

“I did actually, Dawn and Fawn, almost five years ago. Let’s just say that I could have predicted they were his even before they said they were.”

“Was aloofness oozing out of them?”

“A little bit, and there was the family resemblance too.”

They stayed silent for a while, each thinking about the day they had had.

“Jax came to the ER this morning,” she finally said.

“What pretext did he come up with?”

“He had a bloody nose.”

“Funny, when I saw him, Alexander had a bruised hand.”

Tara rolled her eyes, remembering their meeting.

“He asked about Harper. He ... asked if it could be her kid.”

“Could she be his kid?” Venus asked, looking surprised. “I thought…”

“The thing is… about 5 years ago, we reconnected, and had a night together.”

“You never mentioned it…”

“I guess I didn’t want to think too much about it. Oh God… I was in Seattle for my residency, and we went to this bar or club or whatever you want to call it… Kohn had been sent to jail the day before or so, and I wanted to feel…free. So, I went dancing with a couple of girls.”

She stopped to gather her thoughts. It had been intense, no words spoken, and telling that story made her remember things she thought she had forgotten long ago.

“We never spoke. It was… I don’t know, I think when we saw each other, there was this tension, from when I left… Ten years had gone by… And we just got together, on the dancefloor, and ended up having sex in the ladies’ bathroom. Condom broke. I left the place in a hurry and never attempted to get back in touch with him.”

“I know there’s a catch, you would have told me if your sweetheart from high school was Harper’s father… You wouldn’t have hidden her from him either.”

“There was a catch. I was already knocked up. I had my in vitro procedure about two months before that, and you can’t knock up a pregnant girl. I ran away because I was afraid of what I had done, I think, and because it felt like…. Like fate was such a bitch. I had decided to have a baby on my own, because I knew I had experienced true love with Jax, but also toxic love, and that the guys I had dated later, especially Kohn, had made it clear in my mind, that this sort of love was one of a kind, that nothing would match up to it. I am not desperate, I think perhaps there is another type of love out there I could experience.”

“Love can surprise you that way…”

“And well, I got pregnant. I was ready. I wanted stability. Kohn was gone, and the scar on my face was healing, and I wanted something of my own. So I had my baby. And then, bam, I run into Jax in the wrong place at the wrong time, and we end up having angry sex…”

“One of the best types of sex…”

“True, but, yeah, it felt… Coincidence is something I don’t believe in, it felt more like fate rubbing something I had in my face, and making me wonder if I could love my kid with the same passion I had for Jax.”

“Hence the running part.”

“Yeah. Also, condom broke. I know how the Sons are when they have no Old ladies, how some are even with an Old Lady on the side, and I just panicked I guess, fearing for me and the baby.”

“Damn, you’re making my encounter with Alexander sound boring in comparison.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t…”

“It was. He came, I told him about the program, he left. He tried to talk to me in a more personal fashion a couple of times, but I was so focused, l had my inner prude screaming in my head “keep those thighs closed you silly twat”, and it made me completely impervious to anything he might have said. It sucked…” Venus groaned in her hands.

“What are you afraid about?”

“I am….”

“Not afraid of anything,” Tara finished with her, “but let’s cut the crap.”

There was a long pause, and Venus finally said:

“He’s a Son. I’m… an oddity. I caught his eyes, and he caught mine, but I don’t think he’ll still be around once the novelty effect has worn off for him, meanwhile you know I’ve got a sweet spot for him, and I think that it would kill me to have him as a client.”

“You don’t have clients anymore.”

“I know, because of this damn asshole. I’m such a cunt.”

“First off, language! And second, oh my God language! But in all seriousness, you think that’s why he came all the way here? To put his money on the bedtable and have the experience of a lifetime then go away?”

‘I don’t think I’m strong enough to find out.”

“Gosh, we’d make such an awesome lesbian couple….”

Venus laughed.

“If only you got me hard… Nature is a female dog too…”

Tara laughed at that. They were trying so hard to cut the bad language around Harper…

“What will you do, with Jax? What did you tell him?’”

“Mommy?” came a little voice from the other side of the door.

“Told him she wasn’t his…” Tara said in a low tone quickly. “Not sure he believed me.”

Then using a louder voice, she said:

“Yes, sweat pea, do you want to be part of a big cuddle party with Mommy and Auntie Venus?”

The little girl stumbled in the room, rubbing her eyes, and Venus helped her get on top of the bed, where she went to lay against her mother, with her hand in Venus’.

“Can’t blame him,” Venus said under her breathe, “what’s there not to love?

“Enough talk, we’re cuddling,” Harper said, and the two women’s eyes met above the little girl and exchanged a smile, as they obeyed her instruction, and tried to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback most welcome. I trie dto evade many leitmotivs that could be found in SOA fanfictions, hence this perhaps hybrid idea. Thank you!


	4. Tea Is Good For You

  It felt so weird entering a charter’s territory, for the first time in years, Tara thought as she walked into the bar where the Indian Springs MC were known to be found. For the longest time, she had thought it would never happen again. But there was a reason you could never say never….

  She walked like she knew where she was going, nodding her head at the crew members she recognized, while making her way to the back of the establishment. She had never been there in person but she knew who she was looking for and where to find them.

  As she made her way for the director’s office, one of the Sons got up and tried to stop her:

“Woa, little lady, the big man already has an Old Lady and we’re not hiring…”

“If you want to keep your balls attached to your body, you’ll remove your hand from my wrist,” she said coldly. “You’ll also make a note in that piece of cheese you use as a brain that I am not a little lady, I’m Doctor Knowles. If that doesn’t ring a bell, take your fucking hand off me, and go ask somebody while I head into that office.”

  The guy seemed about to resist, but one of his pals came along, and she recognized for having patched him up a couple of times in the past:

“Dude, Dr Knowles gets to go backstage. Always. Dr Knowles, it’s nice to see you again when not needing stitches,” he finished, facing her.

  She could tell the bar was watching them. She also could tell the director’s door would lead to a corridor and more rooms. Finally, she saw the patches on certain Sons, and saw they were from Charming. Instead of letting fear enter her heart, she told herself it meant she had come to the right place.

“It’s good to see you do spend some time not needing stitches,” she replied, careful to be polite yet put some distance between them.

He had always been but a gentleman, but when you came on their turfs, it never hurt to make it clear you were here for a purpose and one purpose only.

  She smiled briefly and moved past them, and walked into the director’s door.

  As she had foreseen, it was a corridor. This was the place where Sons business got done. She was certain she recognized a couple of Sons, both from Indian Springs and Charming, so she forced herself to move forward. She went into the place where she guessed Church was attended. She saw a couple of guys get up and try to stop her but they were not quick enough. Without saying a word, she walked as quickly as she could and came to stand next to the Charter’s officer, Smitty.

“Dr Knowles! Guys, leave us alone, it was not Church time, she gets in here,” he told his men, who nodded and left them alone.

“Hey Smitty,” she said with a shy smile. “I know I should have called…”

“Nay, don’t worry,” the middle-aged man said, sitting on the table, their eyes meeting.

“Charlie sends her love,” she said.

“I’ll never get used to that. I mean, I’m glad that you’re helping them but it makes no sense to me, why my daughter is staying with Ethan while he becomes... Eden. I mean, how does that happen?”

“Did you ask Charlie how it had happened for them? She’d tell you, and Eden would share, if you were in the mood to listen. They’re raising your grandchildren, and they’re still in love. I can understand it making not a lick of sense, but my only advice to you would be that you tried and talked about it, so that it doesn’t tear your family apart.”

“I don’t know... I liked Ethan..; Eden. I just…”

“You should maybe attend a meeting. Charlie doesn’t need to be there, nor Eden. Just because it’s your daughter’s companion doesn’t mean you don’t get to sit at a meeting and say what’s on your mind. I can ask Venus which meeting has the least attendance so that you don’t have to worry about anything… But it would do you good. Your daughter would appreciate it. A step in the right direction, you know? Just think about it, and get back at me if you want, but I actually came with a different purpose in mind…”

“I’ll think about it. And tell Charlie I love her. Goddamn it, I suck at this. How can I help you Doc?”

“I’m looking for one of the guys from the Charming charter…”

_-_-_-_-_-_-

  Jax felt anxious, and nauseous quite frankly, but he needed to do this. She would be mad… Oh she would be so mad… But he knew how to handle her mad, at least, if she let him…

  He rang the doorbell and waited, hoping and praying that this would not go as badly as he thought.

“Jax, what a surprise!” Venus said when she opened the door.

“Good to see you too Venus, looking damn fine as always… Is Tara around?’

“Sorry honey, she had errands to run. I could tell her…”

“Auntie Venus, why can’t I ever get the door?” A little girl, or more accurately, the little bird he had heard about and thought about said, coming forward.

  Venus picked her up in her arms, and said:

“You just don’t, sweetie. Doors are dangerous for little girls. Let the door opening to your mommy and I, at least for a couple more years, okay?”

“Who are you?” Harper asked, looking at Jax. “You’re sunkissed, like me…”

His breath caught in his throat. Sunkissed… He remembered the story, about Tara’s mother, and her freckles. The kid had gotten all that from her… Or maybe from him? He wondered.

“Well, that’s Jax, a friend, who is going to need to come in for a little while as the sun seems to have stricken him, and I’d hate for him to die from the heat.”

“I’ll get the tea!” Harper said, weaseling out of Venus’ arms, holding her leg instead, sort of hiding. “Are you coming in?”

Boy was he coming in. He smiled at her, and at Venus as they lead him into their living room.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

“Tara!” Tig said, getting up from his chair, as if this was the 19th century and she was a lady.

  Hey, she was a lady, she told herself, she didn’t need to sell herself so short…

“Do you have time for a quick chat?” She asked, looking around at the prospects who were with him, working on their respective bikes.

“Go back inside guys, he told his crew, “I need the space.”

  She noticed there was a joint just rolled up on the table, and thought that old habits really did die hard.

“Were you looking for Jax?”

“Nope, looking for you,” she said as she sat down at the table and gestured for him to do likewise.

“That’s not weird at all…”

“Yeah, tell me about it. I had to pinch myself so many times I think I got a bruise. But I need to absolutely talk to you. First off, do I call you Mister Trager, or Tig, or, Heaven forbid, Alexander?”

“Heaven forbids it indeed… Venus is the only who calls me this way. Then again, it’s pretty much up to you, you’re not a kid anymore.”

“When I’m standing in front of you, I’m 17 again. Take it as a compliment, coming from a plastic surgeon, it means you’re better at rejuvenating than botox.”

  He snorted.

“I’ll take what I can get, I suppose. What can I do for you?”

“Like you can’t tell… I’m here to talk about our common friend, Venus Van Dam.”

  For a second, he took it in, looking as though he knew it probably had to do with her, yet not wanting it too. She could not tell.

“What do you want to say?” He asked.

  She knew things had to be weird for him. He had come for Venus, and she had unwillingly given him the cold shoulder, out of fear of not being in control anymore. Then again, Tig was not your average Joe. His being a Son didn’t even factor in the weird equation that made him who he was. It was the reason why she had decided to come along, and try not to screw things up.

“You came for her,” she said.

“Guess I did.”

“There’s no guessing about it, don’t make me grab a weapon and throw it in your face.”

“Woa, you’re so not 17 anymore… Where did time go?”

“That’s a question for a philosophical debate, and I must say, I hate philosophy. Or I hate Freud and his thoughts about lesbians wanting a dick and all that shit. He made things great, by spreading a lot of shit. Thank God people came after him and cleaned his mess.”

“Are you and Venus a thing?” He asked suddenly, and he looked so much like a little boy, afraid of her answer, with pain in his eyes, she almost felt guilty for reacting the way she did.

  She burst out laughing. Plain and simple.

_-_-_-_-_-_-

  Jax was a handsome boy, Venus couldn’t argue with that statement. She poured him some tea, and sat in front of him at the kitchen table. Harper was playing in the living room, she could see her. The little one was drawing a picture, and if Venus knew her godchild, it would be a gift.

  “You know…”

“I’m pretty sure I know everything sweetie,” she told him.

  He looked like shit. Handsome, of course, but like he had been run over by an emotional train.

“Tara said…”

“Yes she did.”

“Can I finish a sentence, just once? It would make me feel…”

“More in control? Oops, I did it again, sorry love.”

  He smiled slightly and she felt better.

“The kid is not mine. That’s what she said, that her daughter was not mine.”

“And you’re having trouble with that?”

“Where is the father?”

“Only the Good Lord knows. And I’m not even kidding.”

  He took a sip of his tea, looking like the brewage was intensely disgusting, but she didn’t care. She had stopped caffeine and she was not about to brew him a pot and feel the need to have some.

“I know Tara, she’s not the kind of girl who had one-night stands… Apart from me I guess. So it must mean that she loved the father. It’s not..” He started asking, looking at her.

“Do not even go there,” she exclaimed, catching his meaning right away. “I met Tara and her kid when the little one was maybe 14 months old. Even if I wanted to, because I won’t pretend to be disgusted with the idea, I could not be the guy you want to punch in the face for not being there.”

“I really do want to punch him in the face. And In the … private parts,” he quickly amended looking at the little girl who could have overheard them. “But there is a part of me who doesn’t believe she could be anyone’s but… mine. I keep saying that word…”

“Doesn’t make it real though… I’m sorry, sweetie, I would have loved it if you were the proud provider of the male gametes which resulted in this little darling. But I believe Tara. And you said you know her. Maybe you knew her then, and you don’t know her now? I don’t think she has changed so much but, she’s not the same….”

“Who gave her that scar? That’s another one on my punching list,” he said, looking vicious for an instant.

“Some secrets aren’t mine to tell. Some are, but most aren’t.”

“What am I gonna do Venus?” He asked, looking so lost. “The woman I loved has a kid and says it’s not mine, and she has a scar, and she is keeping her secrets close to the vest, too close… Maybe she isn’t the Tara I used to know, but that would kill me.”

“You can always get to know her, again.”

  Before he could answer her, Harper came back in the kitchen, with her drawing in her hand.

“It’s for you!” She told Jax, who looked both smitten beyond words, and desperate she was not his.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

  Tara finally managed to stop laughing and said:

“Me and Venus… That’s a good one… God, I need to remember to tell her about it, she’ll find it hysterical. Then again, if I tell her, I need to tell her I saw you… I guess you’re safe, I’m not telling her. I know I just brought up lesbians, but no, I am still very much straight. It was a comment… A random one… Though it would be so great if Venus and I just felt that spark for each other… I wouldn’t need to be here…”

“I’m losing you here, you’re rambling.”

“You’re scary. Sorry, that was blunt, but yes, I’m rambling, because there’s the 17 years old version of me who is afraid of you, there’s an older version of me who believes we’re equal, but the 17 years old screams louder in my head.”

“17 years old Me had only one thing on his mind, and it was sex.”

“Which brings me back to the reason I’m here. Venus. Why did you come for her?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business…”

“Oh God, you’re being shy. I know your daughters, darling, I know you were not born yesterday, and from our previous interactions, I know that you don’t hide from your feelings. You did call their mother’s several names that made my ears ring, but ok, let’s pretend you’re this shy persona. As far as things are right now, Venus is mine and I’m hers. It is not sexual, it is a soulmate-thingy. Fact is, I heard a lot about Alexander, when I met her, the man who had gotten her to quit her previous let’s say job, after saving her son, who is fine by the way, though it wouldn’t hurt if you asked her how he was…”

“I made her quit her business?” He asked, obviously having trouble coming to grips with the reality she was presenting to him.

“Shush now, you’re shy, remember? And I’m scared, in a ish sort of way. Getting less scared by the minute, but you’re still Mister Trager in my head. Shush I said. This is not easy for me. Thing is, Venus, she liked that Alexander-guy from Charming. Even forgot to mention he was a Son. She liked him. And now, as she met him while she was in the sex business, I know that she doesn’t know why he came back to her. Was it lust? The need to shove his dick in naughty places, before going on his way, or is it perhaps…”

“Hey hey hey… I would never do that, just want Venus for what she used to do…”

“I said shush, though I like to hear it. Let’s go back to facts. Thing is, Venus doesn’t want to be seen as a one trick pony, especially since those get boring. Sure, her trick can keep a curious mind occupied for a little while, but it’s like everything, it loses its novelty, and people move on. So, cowboy, if you’re in this for more than just a ride, find a way to express it and make it so that my beautiful Venus can be the dark at times yet shiny people I met, okay?”

  He was utterly astounded and was struggling to gather a thought. She liked knowing things didn’t have to be the way they used to, when she was 15 or 17.

  She got up, and patted him on the cheek, saying,

“You’re a good boy. Now think about it.”

She was about to leave the room, when she saw the joint. She grabbed it and as he started protesting, she put on her best mother face, and said:

“Those things will kill you.”

  She took a puff, and said again:

“Really, I’m doing you a favor. Saving your life indeed, that’s what doctors signed up for. Later.”

  And she ran away with the joint in her hand, feeling she had avenged 15 years old Tara.

  As she started walking down to where her car was, she hoped the trip had not been in vain. She dropped the joint, needing to be able to drive.

  She was about to get in when someone came from behind, and she managed to escape their grip.

“The hell?” She said.

“Hello Tara,” Kohn coldly said. “You’ve been a naughty girl, haven’t you? Bikers, really? Tsk tsk tsk… You should know better…”

  She tried to keep calm, which proved almost impossible, as she looked for the knife in her purse.


	5. Story of A girl

Walking in the hospital felt safe, much safer than she had felt earlier that day when she had seen … She’d rather not think about him or it again.

As she put on her scrubs, Tara also dotted on her work face. She was Doctor Knowles, and not Jax’s sweetheart, or Josh’ ‘s victim. It was time to be professional.

An intern was waiting outside the attending dressing room, and all but jumped on her when she emerged. She took the file he was handing her while asking:

“What do you have for me?”

“It’s a consult. I worked on that case when the patient, Dorinda Helix arrived. She had various injuries to the nose and eye socket. I did what I could but I think she could really benefit from reconstructive surgery.”

“She didn’t ask for it? This file smells of domestic abuse…”

“It does. And you’re right, it’s my idea, but I was thinking that you could go meet her, and see if she would be interested in that kind of surgery. She killed her husband in self-defense, and she’s still shell-shocked.”

“Don’t get emotionally involve with your patient,” Tara said, though she did agree that on paper the patient seemed like a good candidate for her help. “Patients come and go, and they don’t leave a note behind when they’re ready to move on.’

“I’m not emotionally involved, and even if I was, I would be the one suffering in the end and I would be the one learning a lesson.”

Tara met his eyes, feeling impressed by his response. She had always thought that Simons had to have experience some sort of abuse, given how many case he tried to give her.

“Ok, I’m not making promises, but I’ll go talk to the patient.”

“Thank you Doctor Knowles.”

“Don’t thank me yet”

He left her with the file, and she walked to the patient room.

In a very sad way, domestic abuse gave her most of her patients. She had been faced with choosing whether to be a neonatal surgeon at one point, but as she had had procedures for her scar, she had decided to be a plastic surgeon instead, in order to be able to help people the way she had been helped.

She knocked on the door, though the patient could see her, and she entered when she saw the woman nod.

She had to be 25 at most. She was huddled on herself, as if people could come and hurt her inside a hospital. In many ways, Tara could relate, remembering when she had been in the same position.

“Hello, Mrs Helix. My name is Doctor Tara Knowles, I’m a plastic surgeon, Doctor Simmons told me about your case.”

“I don’t need new boobs,” the woman who was really a girl said.

Tara chuckled.

“Plastic surgery does, indeed, grant new boobs to some, and other things of the sort, but I am specialized in reconstructive surgery, meaning in helping patients deal with their physical scars. “

“Oh”, the girl said, putting her hand on her face. “It’s about my face then.”

“If you are interested, yes. Please, take the time to think it through one way or another. You could be part of our survivor program, meaning your surgery or surgeries would be free.”

“I’m not sure I want to undergo surgery, I just want this to be over.”

They stayed silent for a little while, Tara unsure how to pursue.

“Did a man give you your scar?” Dorinda asked finally.

Tara could tell the woman wasn’t sure she could ask such a question, but she guessed it had to be her way to connect with her possible patient.

“How about I told you a story? Let me tell you about my scar.”

The girl nodded and Tara came to sit next to the bed, making sure she wasn’t infringing on the girl’s personal bubble.

“I was once a young and naïve medical student. And then I met a man. He was good, for a time. Then he was nasty the rest of the time. He actually never raised his hand on me, but domestic abuse takes so many forms. When I tried to leave him, he got violent, and that’s how I got my scar. I’m giving you the quick story. “

“I can relate to some parts…”

“I’m so sad about that. What happened to my face… He used a knife, saying ugly stuff.”

What he had told her was that if he couldn’t have her, no one would, especially no criminals on a bike who thought they were better than he was. Tara forced herself to remain cool when she was reliving what had happened then. It had been terrifying. He has not taken his time, she had squirmed under his weight to try and shove him off, and she had achieved but only after her face had been cut so deeply. She perhaps had made the wound worse but staying still while he almost gauged her eyes out had not been possible. She was a fighter. He had understood it when she had returned the knife against him, shoving it in his guts three times. She had stood at his trial, feeling his eyes lingering on his handy work, and she had kept her head up high, because he was not worth it. Sure, there were nightmares, and a shrink she saw at times, but she had done everything she could to no let him alter her life.

“I survived this. It was what it was. However, I needed surgery, because some nerves had been injured. It was then that I met my plastic surgeon. See, plastic surgery is not just about new boobs. It repairs. Many things really. From a not so great nose, to a cut on one’s face. I went through surgery for my nerves, so to speak, and I went a little further, trying to mend my broken face. It was not some bullshit reason, like I wanted to erase what had been done to me. Nothing could erase it. It was about me, coming to terms with this new person I was becoming. This bad experience was something that would always define me, and I pursued the surgeries in order to “tame” my scar if you will, make it mine and not his. “

The two women fell silent, as they both digested what they had said and heard. Tara could see herself in the younger woman, and truth be told it also made her feel vulnerable, inasmuch as telling her story always brought back memories. Coupled with the day’s experience, she felt slightly on edge.

“Do I need more surgeries?” Dorinda asked.

“From what I can tell from your file, I don’t know. I think we would need a few more exams, but I suspect your eye socket needs attention. Please don’t be afraid, you’re safe here. It’s all up to you. Maybe not completely up to you with the surgery I suggested, but whatever would happen next would be your choice, if you wanted to do some reconstructive work or not.”

“It’s scary….”

“I agree. I would completely understand any decision you will make. How about you talk it through with Doctor Simmons? He was the one who brought me your file, and I think he would listen to what you need to say. I offered you a quick version of my story, to show you that everybody has their own reasons to do surgery, but it was never meant to make you believe surgery is necessary. It’s just a story, about someone, who did something. Simmons could listen to you if you wanted to talk it through.

“I think I will,” the girl said.

“Okay, well I’ll leave you to this. I have another patient waiting for their surgery. Have a good day, Mrs Helix.”

She left the room, leaving the woman to think. She rarely shared the story behind her scar, because she didn’t want to influence people one way or another, but when people reduced plastic surgery to new boobs, it sometimes felt needed, just to educate people and let them know they had a choice.

She thought back to that morning, when Josh Kohn had appeared. She had been so scared, but thankfully, Tig had been coming to meet her, as she had left behind a scarf. Kohn had fled.

Tara had thanked the Son before asking him if perhaps one of the guys could drive her to the hospital as she was feeling nauseated. It had been a white lie, but she knew she would have been dangerous on the streets. Two prospects had driven her here, and she had gone to sleep for a short while, in order to regain her composure.

She went to an empty room, and grabbed her cellphone. She called Chicago, where everything had happened, where she had become who she was now. When he picked up, Detective Nolan knew right away why she was calling:

“He snitched. He gave the DA info about his cellmate and was freed.”

“You should know he’s crossing states border. I saw him earlier, in Nevada.”

“Fuck him. We should have known. I’ll get in touch with his probation officer and see if we can get him back to Chicago for starters, and maybe jail if we’re lucky.”

“Thank you Dave.”

“No problem. Take good care of your little girl and of yourself.”

She put the phone back in her pocket, and allowed herself five seconds of despair. He had been sentenced to 17 years but he had gotten out after seven years. She should have known.

Yet, thinking of him only granted him power he didn’t deserve. She took a deep breath, and went to prepare for her next surgery, involving a little girl with a deviated septum in need of her help.

She would deal with things one at a time, as they came.


	6. A Noise In The Night

« I’ll just fucking kill him and we’ll be done with this shit, » Venus said without blinking.

Tara had expected such a reaction from her friend and found herself smiling slightly. She could always rely on her pal to help her through anything and everything.

“You will not. I will.”

“Whoever gets to him first will do it then, fair game. The hunted become the hunter, and the once hunter won’t know what hit him.”

“We will not. I mean, sure I want to. But we will not. I don’t want to hold my little girl with the same hands who pulled the trigger on someone.”

“I’ve pulled the trigger before, I can still do it and hold your little girl.”

“You will not!” Tara exclaimed. “You’re such a brat sometimes!”

“Blame it on the testosterone. What is your hold up here?”

“He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve to put any of us in danger, of maybe facing jail over him. I love you, and I don’t want you to do something like that. We may want to, but we can’t.”

“Then what’s next?” Venus asked, looking like she was giving in to her plea.

“I have no idea. We don’t know where he is. I don’t know if he plans to come back. Maybe the cops got him already.”

“They didn’t, that cop of yours would have told you.”

“I guess you’re right about that,” she admitted, checking her phone again for any missed called from Detective Nolan.

“What did the creep say again?”

“Not much… Something about my being around bikers. He said he knew about my daughter, and he was about to say something about who her father was according to him, or so it felt.”

“I still want to kill him.”

“Ditto.”

They stayed silent for a while, both lost in their thoughts. Harper was in bed, and the women were sipping on a light tea before going to bed.

“I hate to ask this, but do you have a gun?” Tara whispered.

“I don’t. When I moved in with you, I got rid of my piece because of the little one. I guess you don’t have one either.”

“No, I don’t. I’ve never owned a gun, believe it or not, given my past.”

“What did you use on Kohn, when you got him arrested?”

“The knife he used to slice my face open. Stuck it in his lower stomach, managed to nick the right artery with my third stab, and I was able to phone the cops. That blow made the difference, as in he still had life in him before, but when he started bleeding profusely, he was done for. I could have killed him then, but I refused, I didn’t want to stoop as low as he had.“

They had discussed what had happened in the past, but Tara had always been vague about that part. She had never felt like owning up to what she had done, she realized as she spoke those words aloud for the first time since the trial.

“I think we should get a piece,” Venus said. “It should be pretty easy.”

“I hate the thought but…”

There was a faint noise, coming from the back door and they both fell silent. Tara made a quick gesture to Venus, asking her to play along.

“I need more tea, should I pour you another cup?” She said out loud as she got up and walked toward the kitchen.

“I probably shouldn’t, but then again I’m not known for doing what I should do. Pour me another one, and put some brandy in it. I want to get buzzed.”

In the back of her head, a logical part of Tara understood that if there was someone behind the door, her friend wanted to lull them into believing the bigger woman would be drunk and not an issue. Tara looked in the cupboard for the brandy, while her hand reached for the knives. She found herself holding a long knife against her arm so that it should not be visible.

Breathing was becoming an issue, but she tried to remain calm. It felt too real, too much like a memory of life she had hoped to put behind her and yet… She walked slowly toward the back door, on the very tip of her toes, ready to defend her daughter and her friend, no matter what. She heard Venus get up behind her and follow her, but it barely registered as her hand was on the handle and she was terrified of what came next.

She took one deep breathe, then open the door violently, holding the knife as high as she could.

“Wait Tara, no!” Venus yelled.

Luckily for the both of them, or maybe the three of them, Trig had raised his arm in self-defense.

“Fuck!” Tara exclaimed, dropping the knife and putting her hands over her mouth.

She knew her doctor instinct should be kicking in, but it just wasn’t.

“Alexander,” Venus said, “please come in, we’ll patch you up.”

“Venus…” Tara moaned, upon spotting on the floor near the door.

There was a teddy bear, and a bouquet of daffodils. Kohn had always brought her a bouquet of those after every one of their arguments.

“What the hell is going on?” Tig asked, trying to apply pressure on his arm, which was bleeding.

He saw the look on the two women’s faces, and looked on the floor to that pitiful yet terrifying display in their eyes.

“Okay, pack your shit and grab the kid. You’re coming with me.”

Tara wanted to protest but he was bleeding because of her, and she could only be glad she had stabbed his arm and not something else.

“Come in, we’ll patch you up first. We’ll come with, but we need to patch you up if you want to be able to take your bike home.”

He looked hyper, not in a childish way, but a lethal one. There was trepidation in his eyes, something that used to scare Tara shitless, but for once, she was glad for it. She didn’t need a man protecting her, she really didn’t, but the look on his face as he seemed to understand wordlessly something was wrong, it felt right. It felt a little less like it was her and Venus against the world.

The tall woman ushered “Alexander” in and Tara went to grab the supplies needed for the bandages.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

“Hey Smitty,” Tara told the man, as she crossed the threshold of the compound, Harper sleeping tight in her arms.

“Tara, Miss Venus, it’s a pleasure, as always,” the man said.

“Why do you get a miss and I don’t?”

“Because you obviously did the dirty and naughty otherwise you would not be carrying the fruit of your unmarried womb in your arms. People can tell I’m virginal, while the same cannot be said about you, my darling,” Venus said, before kissing Smitty’s cheek.

She had to bend down slightly to do it, which was sort of hilarious, or would have been so, had it been a time of being joyful.

“We’re sorry but….”

“Girls, why don’t you follow Molly to your rooms?” Tig said, looking all alpha male, even though his arm was still bleeding.

She needed to patch him for good but had not found sutures at home.

“We’ll go, just for now”, Venus said, coming up to Trig who looked flustered by her nearness.

Tara couldn’t believe her eyes as the well-mannered Venus came so close to Tig she could have kissed him just by pecking her lips.

“But call me “girl” one more time and you’ll find yourself singing with a high-pitched voice”, the tall woman said, before raising her knee to meet a tender place, in a casual threat.

As they walked away, Tara couldn’t help but giggle at Tig’s face, looking half aroused and half astounded.

They followed the girl named Molly to a room, hearing vaguely the men talk in the main room.

“Thank you dear,” Venus said, before closing the door.

“Sometimes, I could swear you’re royalty and you’ve been to a fancy private school where you learned all there is to know about etiquette,” Tara said to her friend.

“I could be,” Venus said. “I obviously ain’t, but I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“And then sometimes you just threaten to put the man you fancy’s stones in a jar, and I am baffled because you’re usually shy around him.”

“I’m just keeping everybody on their toes. You, included, my beloved.”

“Tara?” They heard from the corridor, and she knew that voice, how could she not?

“Why does nobody ever comes asking for me in such a desperate tone?” Venus said. “I deserve to have gentlemen dying in anguish at the very thought of my being in trouble…”

Jax walked in, though to his credit, he didn’t barge in, seemingly aware of her daughter’s presence.

Tara gently laid her baby girl on the bed, making sure she was alright.

“Tara,” Jax urged her again.

“Shush, you’ll wake my babe.”

“Tara…”

“Shush I said.”

“Tar…”

“Shush!” Both women exclaimed, and Harper stirred lightly in the big bed which made her look so small.

“Why do men always believe they have to rescue us?” Tara asked Venus.

“Looking back, maybe we should have fought Tig off, on principle,” her friend said. “But there was that noise…”

“I’m right here,” Jax said, pretty much pouting.

“Yeah, I guess we are to blame. They should know we’re strong ass bitches, and we’ll manage.”

“I’ve always known you to be a strong and independent lady,” Jax said, cutting though their jest. “You were strong enough to leave me behind, and not give in when I came begging for you to give up on your dreams to be my Old Lady, but shit is going down.”

“We’ll need a language jar around,” Venus, using that as a pretext to get away from the two of them.

“Can… Can I do something and have you not read anything into it?” Tara found herself asking, as she started shaking, reality catching up with her.

“Sure.”

He barely had the time to utter the word that she was in his arms, clinging to him as if her life depended on it.

She smelled in his natural odor, and it felt like home, or perhaps the only home she had ever known. He smelled of smoke, car fumes, life… He just fucking smelled of life. He smelled of her daughter too. She felt a smile on her face as she realized that pretty boy Jax was probably using the same lotion as her daughter for his perfect blonde hair. She wondered if he had always used it and she had picked it up in the store because it reminded her of him.

She did not weep but she buried her head in his chest, in that familiar smell of this, and waited for her shaking to stop. She breathed in life and exhaled death. She felt his arms around her, their grip tightened and he buried his nose in her hair.

Some habits did die hard, she figured, before brushing her lips against his jacket, as she would when he had been patched in and she did not know how to be in his life and still have one of her own.

Time had gone by, but some things still brought her peace. All in all, after the day she had had, she was willing to settle for that, and wait for the next thing to come. It would, but she felt safe, for once, and would not give it up.

“Mommy?”

Fuck.

“Mommy’s here, baby, “Jax said.

And damn him and all he stood for, but in that moment, she melted.


	7. Early Morning

When she woke up, Tara needed some time to remember where she was and why she was there.

“You’re awake?” Someone whispered.

She finally opened her eyes, and saw that she was in a bed with Venus, and Harper was sleeping between them. It felt pretty usual, but their surroundings were not. She turned her head to the voice and said:

“Morning Jax.”

“I was about to shake you awake, you mentioned surgery and needing to go to the hospital at 6AM.”

“Ugh, it’s not 6AM yet?” Venus moaned from her place in bed. “Can you…”

“We’ll get out, so you and Harper can sleep more,” Tara responded, before getting slowly out of bed. She looked at Jax, and he seemed to get the message, muttering something about waiting outside while she got dressed. When she entered the bathroom, she dropped the clothes she had carried in and took a hard look at herself in the morning.

She didn’t look sleep-deprived, or not too obviously, so that would be a good thing as she had to have a talk with the parents of her patient this morning one last time before their child underwent surgery. Kid had been bitten by a dog, and Tara was helping the whole family overcome this trauma in the only way she knew how: doing her job.

She yawned and thought she would need heaps of coffee to get ready to do just that.

She thought back to the man whom she had sent away.

Jax had been dressed. After their arrival last night and their installation, he had declared he would stay outside their bedroom to look over them. Tara supposed he had waited for them all to fall asleep before getting back in.

Truth be told, such vigilance had not been needed, but in their anxious state last night, the two women had agreed.

She remembered her daughter waking up to catch her in Jax’s arms. Thankfully, Venus had barged back in, with “Alexander” in tow and Tara had not needed to explain to the little girl why a boy was in their bedroom. She had asked for the medical supplies she needed and had fixed his arm, expressing once again how sorry she felt about this whole incident. He had said there was no need to apologize but still… They never discussed what had prompted it though, as Venus had yawned, and the two women had decided to go to bed, as the adrenaline was leaving their systems and fatigue was taking over them. They had gotten in bed around the little girl, Jax outside the door.

She had liked his warm embrace. For a moment, she had not been Tara Knowles, MD, or Tara Knowles, Ethan’s victim. She had been herself, just her plain self, and it had felt good. Sometimes she felt like being a single mom was all about wearing an armor and being a superhero for your kid, and for once she had been able to drop the armor, and just be “Tara”. She would do anything for her kid, but it had felt nice. It had been about her, and just her for once, which had been nice while it lasted.

She quickly got dressed, as she was not sure what time it was and is she would have time for coffee.

As she quietly closed the door behind her, she saw that both Jax and Tig were here. She felt shame overcome upon seeing his bandaged arm.

“No apologies,” was all the brown-haired man said.

“Yeah, but still, I don’t go around shanking people.”

“We need to talk…” Jax interrupted.

“Oh God, can I have coffee first? What time is it?”

“5AM. You need 10 minutes to get to the hospital.”

“More like 20 minutes,” Tara said.

“Not if I take you on my bike. I can drop you off, you won’t need to park or anything, just go in and do your job.”

“You’ve planned it all, haven’t you?” Tara asked.

“Just thought ahead…”

“You two love birds are making me want to puke, can we go talk and have coffee? I want to get back to Venus,” Tig said.

Oh, Tara thought, the man had been keeping watch outside their door. He was genuinely into Venus. If only he managed to tell her just that…

“Sure, lead the way.”

They moved quietly toward a big room where several bikers both local and from Charming were lingering around. She remembered some of them, and others were complete strangers.

“Hey Smitty,” She said upon spotting the Son.

“Tara.”

She would blame it later on being sleepy, but she came up to the man and kissed him on the cheek, as Venus had done the day before. He seemed flustered but happy.

There were some things you just could not escape, she thought. She was used to being around Sons, she knew how it worked, how they worked, their values and what they stood up for. In many ways, she was a Son’s daughter, though her father had been no biker, but the Sons system was as ingrained in her as if she had been born into this universe.

She smiled at Smitty, who said:

“Charlie used to do that, before there was…. Thanks Tara, I think I needed it.”

“Charlie is still your kid, you know…”

“I know what you’re about to say… It’s my grandson’s birthday tomorrow, you know, the oldest, Martin. I called my daughter, and offered to throw a party at the compound, with her brothers, and of course her… significant other. They’ll all be coming this Saturday, for Martin’s birthday. Every kid I know is invited, so your Harper will be more than welcome.”

“It’s good Smitty, really good. I know you must be struggling, but I’m sure Charlie knows it too and is aware that you’re putting yourself out there…”

“Well, I told my Old Lady about what you had said, and she may have smacked me in the head for being a dick. Both your interventions made me realize I had to do something in the right direction,” the man said, slightly blushing.

“Well, whatever Nadine did, I’m glad.”

“She misses her daughter. I do too. So I can be a dick or I can do something. I’m trying the non-dick-ish approach. I liked Ethan before, maybe I’ll love Eden, if I gave her a chance,” he said, emphasizing the last “her”.

“I hate to ask, but Venus will have to work later, and I may not be back…”

“Harper will be fine with us. She won’t see or hear anything she shouldn’t. Nadine will gladly take care of her, there’s no need to ask. ”

“I’m sorry for being such a bother…”

“You’re not. Venus and you, you’re family, we can always rely on you guys, and you never judge, never blame us or anything. We sort of take you for granted but we forget to say it. Point is, you’re family, all three of you, whether you like it or not.”

“I like it, I like it a lot. Thank you.”

Tara gave him a quick hug, and smiled again before going over to the table where Jax and Tig had retreated in order to give them privacy.

She sat down and almost sighed in delight when she smelled the freshly brewed coffee. She could feel the two men watching her but she took the time to put sugar in her cup and having a sip before meeting their eyes.

“Ok, what time is it?”

“5.15 AM. We’re leaving in half an hour, 35 minutes top,” Jax said.

If you didn’t know him, you probably wouldn’t have been able to tell her had barely slept, but she was not fooled for a second.

“You should try to get some sleep after you’ve dropped me off,” she said, “and that goes for the both of you.”

“I’m okay,” Tig said. “Besides, I need to talk to Venus.”

“She is working today, she’s hosting two meetings that I know of and I’m pretty sure she has some paperwork to catch up on. She brought it home last night but never managed to get it done…”

“That’s good. When do you think you’ll be done? I’m asking because if you and Venus are done around the same time, I’ll get a car instead of my bike and I’ll bring you both back here.”

“I love Smitty and I am thankful for what you did last night but I’m not sure we’ll be staying over.”

“How about you explained first what happened? Tig told me you greeted him with a knife, and that there was a bear or something on the ground with some flowers.”

“Can I have more coffee first? No? Well, can’t blame me for asking…”

“You’re stalling.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Tara…”

She took another sip of her cup and figured she’d rather be done with it.

“Last night when Tig came over, we were on edge, as we had heard a noise before. It’s… messed up and I need to get things in order. Thing is… back in Chicago when I was doing my internship, I met a guy, Ethan Kohn. He was a DEA agent. We were together for over a year. I left him, he was not okay with it, this scar is proof. He was sent to jail, with my testimony, and he was freed for snitching. He thinks we have unfinished business. I disagree. He came over last night, though we didn’t see him, as he left a toy for Harper and daffodils for me. That’s why we were on edge.”

“How did your scar happen?” Jax said calmly.

He was seething pure anger, which he expressed by being seemingly cool as cucumber. She knew him too well to be fooled.

“When I told him we were parting ways and gave him his stuff to bring back at his place.”

“He did it on purpose…”

“Oh yeah. He tried telling the jury that he had a black out and couldn’t remember grabbing the knife, but thankfully for the both of us, I remembered precisely what he had done with it and I was able to share.”

She was trying to keep things light, but there was a part of her which felt like shaking like a leaf.

“Didn’t you say he was your guy back in Chicago? Where did the trial take place?” Tig asked.

“Chicago. He’s crossing state borders, if that’s where you’re getting at. But as an ex-DEA agent, I’m guessing his parole officer is willing to look the other way when he wouldn’t for other ex-detainees.”

“Seattle…” Jax started.

“Was just after I was done with all of this. The trial was long, very long. I went to Seattle for my residency, wanting to have a fresh start.”

She took another sip of her coffee and waited for what came next.

“Ethan Kohn, that’s what you said his name was?”

“Still is. And if you go after him, I don’t know what I will do. I have very little to threaten you with, but don’t go around and kill him. I want him dead, Venus wants him dead. When she’ll be older, Harper will want him dead. In the meantime, I need him alive. If we do anything where he ends up injured or worse, the DEA will fall on me. I have ties to the Sons of Anarchy Indian Springs Charter. They’ll try to make Smitty and the guys fall for this. I know it for a fact. When I had him arrested in Chicago, and even before the trial, people starting talking to me, colleagues of his, trying to pressure him into dropping all charges. I didn’t give in, an d I have no idea how I managed to keep strong, looking back, but I know that he has close friends who will be faithful to him, and I don’t want anybody fighting my fight.”

“Is he Harper’s father?”

“Hell no!” Tara couldn’t help but exclaim. “He was in jail when she was conceived.”

“Then who is her father? She’s mine, Tara, right? She has to be. After Seattle…” Jax said, pleadingly.

“I wish I could tell you she is, but I can’t. I had her on my own. In Vitro. Went to a sperm bank and got pregnant. Well it was more technical to have the end results, but you get my point.”

She saw the defeat in Jax’s eyes. There was no other way. They would be gone, soon. There was no point in pretending he could be Harper’s father.

“I was knocked up when we met in Seattle. Two months in. I was aware of it but kept it to myself because after everything that I had gone through, I did not know who to trust or not”

Jax looked so hurt, and Tig so shocked to hear that Harper was not a Teller, Tara felt bad. Then she reminded herself that she didn’t owe them anything. She was thankful, for sure, but that was all they were entitled to.

“I have the certificate at my place, with the donor’s tag. I kept it for when Harper will ask why she has no father, though Venus offered several times that I ditched the paperwork and we said Harper was hers…”

“And you mocked me when I suggested you and Venus could have a thing!” Tig exclaimed.

“And I would again. Seriously. I can snort and laugh right now…

“I must admit I asked Venus if Harper was hers at some point…” Jax said, trying obviously to cheer himself up.

“She must have laughed so hard…”

“I’m certain she did, but not to my face.”

“Jesus,” Tara said laughing.

Her little girl certainly ignited many passions.

“I think you guys should stay here. Not forever, but at least for another week or so,” Jax finally said, and Tig nodded. “I’m sure the guys wouldn’t mind. Consider it an extended sleepover… I’ll take a prospect with me to watch your house for a few days and see if the guy comes back. If he does, we’ll call the cops. If he doesn’t… Well we’ll see then.”

“I need to think about it. And we need to be on our way.”

“I’ll go back to the room,” Tig said, and Tara knew he would not go inside but stand guard, which was surprisingly sweet from the guy she knew. Perhaps the guy Venus knew was a gentleman. “However, keep Venus in touch, or send me a text when you know when you’ll be able to come back, and we’ll see if I can pick the both of you at the same time.”

“Who will watch over Harper when both you and Venus are over there?”

“Usually, we bring her to the hospital daycare, but I asked Smitty if she could stay at the compound instead.”

She was afraid Kohn might show up and steal her baby girl. However, she was not ready to say it out loud.

“We’ll watch over her.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of Nadine or Molly…”

“They can help, but we’ll watch over her,” Jax said.

She chose not to argue, knowing that if the Old Lady decided to be in charge of her daughter, the guys would have to follow and fall in line. Universal rule was that you never messed with the President’s Old Lady.

She finished he cup of coffee, then went back to the room to grab her purse. She kissed her daughter, then Venus, before following Jax to his bike. She felt a thrill at the thought of riding with him again. She was quite certain he could tell.

Whatever. She was allowed to behave like a girl and not a woman when she felt like it. She closed her eyes, hanging onto him as he drove them to the hospital.


	8. Mean Girls

She closed the door on the meeting room, and looked at herself in the mirror which was nearby. She looked the same. She did not know if it was good or bad. She wasn’t sure she was supposed to look different, but everything was so earth-shattering, or so it felt.

She pushed those thoughts away, she did not have time for that. She set her curls the way she liked them to be, and made sure her make-up was still hiding her sleep deprivation.

She grabbed her files from the seat where she usually led the meetings, and went for her office, knowing the day was not over. She had paperwork to do. Something usual, even casual… She was not a hundred percent sure if it made her feel more normal or if it just felt like a gigantic pain in her ass on top of a not-normal situation.

She opened the door, and found herself chuckling when she saw Tara on the couch where she often napped.

“Sup girlfriend?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking that? You’re in my office, darling,” Venus said before going to kiss her cheek.

“Yeah, I’m hiding from my interns.”

“Why?” She asked as she went to stand behind her desk.

“People aren’t dying, so I figured I could just ditch… intern-sitting.”

She had to laugh, knowing how serious the woman usually was about her duty as a teacher. Tara had this air about her, this was absolutely how Venus had pictured her during late puberty.

“How was surgery?”

“Kid did not die, I call it a win.”

“Damn, I’m glad you’re being so casual in my office, because this could get you fired, or at least in heaps of trouble.”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, the kid lived, but that was never what was at stake. I repaired the nerve damage and he looks like the picture his parents showed me of what he looked like pre-bite, so I did well. I even taught Molligan a thing or two. If she applies my advices, she’ll be able to actually do some stitches without leaving scars. Yeah, I know, this is how low my level of expectation is with this bunch,” Tara said, rolling her eyes. “They’ve just finished their seventh year, I shouldn’t even call them interns, they’re first year residents. And some of them can’t do any neat stitches. I know I did not enter my internship program knowing it all, but damn, they’ve been around us for close to a year. Did they pay any attention ever?”

“You’re a mean girl. You finished your fellowship what, three weeks ago?”

“You’re the mean girl!” Tara said, throwing her a chip. “I finished it 10 months ago!”

“Part of me can’t actually compute the fact that you were so pregnant you may have had you baby every time you sneezed, and still you managed to make them let you operate and do your work in order to finish it in time, so to speak.”

“To be completely honest, I kind of liked being so pregnant and operative. The interns and the other surgeons were nice to me, and when I would get angry, they’d blame it on hormones, and I would get to be a despicable bitch.”

“Oh my darling, you don’t need to feed me that bullshit. I know you never were a “despicable bitch” as you put it. I’m sure you had moments when you were less patient than you usually are, but I’ve known you for too long.”

“Why don’t you call me a pushover and a softie while you’re at it?” Tara said, pouting.

“Because you’re no pushover, and you’re only soft to the people you love, or that you will operate on. But let’s not dwell on this.”

“You want some chips? I’ve got some sweets too, I had an intern make a grocery run for me.”

Venus looked at the files she had set in front of her, joining the pile she already had there, and gave up. She went to the couch, and grabbed some chips, before removing her shoes.

In a way, she completely understood what had prompted this sort of juvenile attitude from Tara. What they were going through… It had been bad enough when she had been on her own, dealing with Kohn, but now that their precious Harper was part of it all, it was too stressful, if there was such a thing. Not to mention, the Charming boys were in town and apparently had asked Smitty to stay longer. Venus had seen part of the charter delegation leave for Charming, but there were at least 4 guys staying behind, in addition to the two they were dealing with.

“Jax told me you told him and Tig about what was happening this morning,” she finally said.

“Jax told you? It should have been Tig, nay?” Tara said, looking her in the eyes, and Venus felt… flustered.

“Did you said something about sweets or snacks?”

“You’re avoiding…”

“I know. Hand over the goods, please.”

Tara rolled her eyes, before holding out the paper bag with the goodies. Venus picked some she liked, and allowed herself a bite, before saying:

“I still haven’t talked to Tig. I mean I talked to him as in “you’re getting me to work? That’s nice” but we haven’t had a big talk, or anything like that. I don’t even know what I’m expecting.”

“Come here, babe,” Tara said, before patting her thighs so that Venus could lie her head there, which she did gratefully.

“I… I just don’t know what will come out of this talk. I don’t know what I want to hear, but I know that there are a thousand things I don’t want to hear and I feel like…”

“Like if he said one of these taboos things, the pain would kill you?”

“Ye, though I know it won’t. I am tough as shit and I’m fucking Venus Van Dam, but I just… I have no words.”

“How did you manage then to not speak to Tig this morning?”

“I used your daughter as a shield, even made him take a car and drive me here, with Harper in the backseat, and drive back with the kid.”

“Wow, Tig and my daughter, in the same car… There’s a part of me who thinks I should be terrified at the idea, and there’s the rest of me, the part that is trying to deal, and I just can’t do both.”

“I know you have had a different experience with Alexander than I have had, and I don’t mean romantic-ish versus platonic, but I wouldn’t have left our precious little bird with him if I didn’t trust him one hundred percent.”

“I know, love, I know. It’s just old habits and all that…”

“Do you have any memories of how he was with his daughters, around the same age?”

“I had to be the same age too, so no, I don’t. But they love him to death, so he can’t have been a bad father.”

They stayed silent for a little while, then Tara spoke up:

“So I told Jax and Tig about what was happening, and then Jax drove me here, and I left in a hurry to get inside the hospital. I was overwhelmed, being in a tight space with him, if you will, on his bike… It woke memories, and I needed to have my head in the game… So when he tried to plant a kiss on my cheek or something more, I just… ran. Tonight is going to be super awkward if we’re both not talking to the boys.”

“They’re not boys… They’re men.”

“And we’re women… But I guess you’re right. The pain in Jax’s eyes when he mentioned his dead son, or when I told him that I had the paperwork to prove he didn’t knock me up, those were adult expressions he showed. He’s not the soft boy I left all those years ago…”

“Which remind me… Yesterday he said something about coming to you after you had left and begging you to be with him? You never mentioned that.”

“True… I guess I wasn’t sure for the longest time I had made the right decision. Or perhaps I knew it, but there was the Tara from before, the “Charming Tara” in me who was super conflicted about it all. Back to the topic at hand, he did, come for me. It had been four months since we had parted on the worst terms. He begged me to come home with him, said something about my becoming a nurse, and he looked so lost… But I sent him back packing. I knew I wanted to be a doctor, and I knew I couldn’t be Charming Tara and pre-med school Tara. I knew I had a choice, and I thought about what he was offering. Sure, he was offering his heart, but he had a tendency to flirt, which always made me fear he was unfaithful, and if I had stayed, I would have ended up with no job, completely relying on him to provide. I would have had kids. Probably lots of them too. And I would never have known if he was unfaithful or not. I would have loved my kids, but been miserable. I needed something that was mine, and I know what you’re going to say, that’s the same line I use about becoming an in-vitro mother, but yeah, I needed pre-med school and med school and all of it. I just couldn’t let my dream die. It would have felt like I was betraying the promise I made my mother, on her deathbed. So I ponied up, and sent him back to Charming. I cried for days, and tried to drown myself in work.”

“I’m glad you did. I mean, I love Jax, but you were meant to be doing what you’re doing. You’re good at it. And I love the fact that you took on the trans clinic without trying to ditch it, like some of colleagues did…”

“I sort of knew what I was signing up for, but I really didn’t. It turned out to be the greatest decision I took as we ended up meeting.”

Venus kissed her friend’s hand, feeling the same.

“You should give Alexander a chance. Maybe not to have that big talk where he will state what his intentions are about you, but a conversation of some kind, where you tell him honestly about how you ended up here, and he’ll listen.”

“That’s assuming he cares…”

“Just… give it a try… As we are living in close quarters for now, you should be comfortable with having him around.”

“How about you take your own advice and apply it to Jax?”

“I’m much better at giving advice, than at making it work.”

“Just… give it a try,” Venus mimicked her.

But she knew what her friend was trying to say. Alexander was sticking around, even though she kept on dodging him. If he wanted a quick fuck in the hay, he would not have done so… But what if he was staying around because he was loyal to Jax and he felt a duty to protect his almost Old Lady? Maybe Alexander was being Tig, and not the guy she had come to know for a short while back in Charming.

She buried her head against Tara’s legs, and said:

“I feel like such a girl…”

“And you should! The whole experience, wondering if a guy likes you, and if he does, does he like you because you’re like super smart and awesome, or is he just interested in a quick fuck before leaving you to drown in your own tears…”

“I’m not loving that perspective…”

‘Who says that will be the case? So many great things happen when you let yourself be a girl, as you say, or be vulnerable, as us human would say. Butterflies in your stomach… Long silences that feel weirdly comfortable. The constant uncertainty, will he kiss me or not? And after that first kiss, will there be another?”

“You know there would be another…” Venus said.

Though, hearing Tara describe being a girl in such terms made her wonder… She was no virgin, no Sir, but if, and that was a pretty big if, if something were to happen between Alexander and her, he would be her first crush… Her first man, possessive intended. She had always been independent, and she knew that she could never not be so.  If something happened, would he be able to deal with it?

She tried to reign her thoughts in. There were too many ifs in there. What if he was just after her “special talent”? Tara seemed to think he was not around just for that, but in her previous life, as Venus called it, when she was in the sex business, she had been pursued by many men who didn’t take no for an answer, until she kneed them in the balls and threatened them.

“I’m dreading tonight,” she finally said.

“I am too. I want Jax there, but I don’t want to lose my freedom. And wanting him here doesn’t mean he wants to be here….”

“Oh, he wants it, very much so. And he wants to give you lots of sunkissed children, if you’re amenable to the idea…”

“I would enjoy making them… Then again… No, I would enjoy making them. It’s just… How does my life work after this? Will he be in it, what if he isn’t? I’m worried about Harper, I don’t want her to get attached…”

“Worry about yourself first. To be able to care for your kid, you need to be a little selfish and think of yourself first.”

“Oh God…. Can we go back to being juvenile?”

“Sure. You go first.”

They both chuckled, and they stayed silent a little longer.

“Do you want me to call Tig and let him know he can pick us up both?”

“I think that, as weird as it may sound, I’d rather be on his bike, just the two of us…”

“Nay, I get it. If he’s driving the bike, he can’t disappoint you by saying something you don’t want to hear.”

There was a quick pause, as they both gathered their thoughts

“I’ll call in then, and Jax will come and pick me up. I’ll tell Tig to go pick you up around… 6PM, is that good for you? You can do some paperwork in the meantime, and when he comes, he’ll drag you away from it.”

“Let’s say I’ll meet him outside at 6PM… I don’t think I’m quite ready to have him into my personal bubble.”

“Or maybe you want him there, but there’s that damn fear again…”

“Maybe. Can we do that?”

“Hell yes. I keep thinking, what will happen tonight? Wil there be talks? Or will it be awkward…”

“Wait and see I guess, wait and see…”

“I’m not too good at this whole waiting thing…”

“Me neither. And we need to have the guys understand that this is temporary, and we will deal with our shit on our own. We should do something to catch them off guard…”

“We could play strip poker. Or just articulate the thought out loud. Their brains will explode”

Venus laughed, and laughed again, enjoying this moment of sheer glee. And if that suggestion was perhaps winning her over, well, time would tell.


	9. Sugar High

Tara recognized him from afar, even though he was not on his bike. She would blame it on her Jax-radar she thought. She had been able to spot him in a crowd when they were younger, and she was discovering that she still could. Old habits and all that.

She waited till he was in the right lane, and she crossed the street and opened the passenger door.

“Hey Doctor Knowles,” He greeted her, with a smile.

She shook her head, pretending she didn’t felt butterflies in her stomach upon hearing him use her title.

“Sup?” She asked, before grabbing some candy in her purse.

Venus had kept part of the goods, as they both knew that they could not keep some around at the compound or Harper would gorge on it. Hell, she had probably gotten some already from Nadine and Smitty. Therefore, they had decided to be selfish and just have their snacks.

“Sup?” He mimicked. “You look mighty chipper compared to how you were this morning…”

“I’m going with the flow. Well, at least right now I am. Ask me again tomorrow, and you’ll get a different answer. “

“Where did you get that candy?” He asked as his hand pleaded for some.

She decided to be kind and gave him a couple of treats.

“Interns.”

“Why do I feel like there Is a story behind that statement?”

“There is, but I4d rather know why you came to pick me in a car.

“Nadine… And by the way this is a thing we need to discuss,” he started, trying to give her a stern look, but failing as he looked like a little boy who was enjoying a piece of candy. “Well Nadine said that since you and Venus and the little one were staying, we should make a run to your house so that you can pick up some clothes and stuff…”

“I hadn’t thought about that, but it does make sense, for now I guess. Let me text Venus and see what she wants us to grab for her,” she said as she grabbed her phone.

“Does this mean you’re more amenable to staying at the compound?”

“It means I’m going with the flow. Maybe we’ll be back home tomorrow, but my babe is missing some of her toys and I guess it can’t hurt to grab a few more things, should they prove unnecessary. What did you want to talk about regarding Nadine?”

“You knew, when I told you this morning that we would watch over the little one, that Tornado Nadine was about to hit, didn’t you?”

“Let me guess, she robbed the poor little girl from your eager hands?” She joked.

“You have no idea how close to the truth that is… At one point we were in charge, and the next thing…”

“The next thing?” She urged as he had stopped abruptly.

“The next thing I know, I’m drinking fake tea with dollies that Nadine conjured up out of thin air.”

Tara burst out laughing.

“God, I hope she took pictures,” was all she said in her defense.

“She did and it would have been nice to be given the heads up.”

“I just knew that there was a chance she might be coming over, given her man is the president of the charter, and I also knew she might feel the need or desire to play with my kid. I didn’t think it was something I had to disclose, since I wasn’t completely sure it would happen.”

“So you didn’t leave it out just because you didn’t trust us to be around your kid?”

“Maybe, at first, then I forgot about it. I didn’t grow up in a charter, per se, but I was young when I started hanging out in one, and I know that I saw things I was not meant to, but that nobody really cared because they thought I was your latest catch and wouldn’t last long.”

“No one thought that.”

“Liar”, she said, looking him in the eyes. “Your mom was positive I wouldn’t last. And then I lasted, and the rest is history.”

There was something as she mentioned Gemma, something fleeting in his eyes, a brief change in his demeanor, and for some reason it felt like she had dealt him a blow when she hadn’t meant to.

Her phone buzzed, and she read the message popping up.

“Well, it’s good you brought a car, ‘cause my roommate has sent a list of things she need, you’d think we were staying till Harper turned 18…”

“I’m quite certain Smitty wouldn’t mind.”

“He’s a good guy, right? I mean, I’m not just biased because he reminds me of Charming and your charter. Of course he’s a good guy,” she corrected herself. “I know it in my bones. Why the hell would I need your approval on this?”

“I ain’t sure you were asking for it. To me it felt more like a thought that popped in your head and you ran with until you realized the track end was close.”

She snorted.

“God, I hated tracks, in high school. And laps and I just hated P.E…

“I loved it. I got to see you in your sport outfit every now and then, and it was to my liking.”

“Oh yes. I forgot for a second how sexy I was when I was dripping with sweat, my face red from the exertion…”

“We all have our kinks.”

A part of her felt like she was perhaps just a little too comfortable with the topic at hand, that she should be putting up barriers, so she said:

“Did Harper cause any trouble?”

“No, she was perfect. And there’s now a language jar in the compound’s main room. Thanks to the guys potty mouths, you already have almost enough money to send the girl to college.”

“First, I need to finish paying back my student loans… But I guess it’s good that there is such a jar, it’s making the whole process go faster.”

“I completely forgot about student loans…” He started.

“That’s because you’re not reimbursing them.”

“Is that why you got a roommate? Shouldn’t Venus be a housemate instead of roommate?”

“I went and invited Venus in my house partly because of that. I got a lease on the first ok house I found in Vegas, and in the end, it was getting tough to make end meets with the baby stuff then the toddler stuff…. Plus, you know, it was Venus!

He pulled over in front of said house, and that was when the cool feeling she had been thriving on disappeared. She could see the daffodils on the ground, alongside the teddy bear, and there was a knot in her stomach.

“Isn’t it counterproductive to come back to the house when you guys are supposed to be watching it?” She asked. What if he’s watching?”

“He’s not. He drove off earlier this afternoon, and last time he was spotted, he was too far to be back here at the same time we are,” Jax said, carefully laying a hand on her shoulder, then gently massaging it.

“Ok. Ok, it’s good. Let’s get this done.”

There was a part of her, a very sad part too, which wondered if her house would ever feel again like that, and not like a house.

She took a deep breath, and climbed out of the car, Jax on her heels. Without thinking, she went around the house, for the back entrance, then the memories of the previous night rushed in.

She forced herself to reach for the daffodils, but he was quicker, disposing of them and the bear in the near trash can. She felt thankful, but still on edge, thus she decided not to say anything.

She opened the door, and started packing things right and left, Jax a step behind her, with bags to help her sort things according to who they belonged too. If he noticed that some of her belongings were in Venus’ room; he was nice enough to not say it out loud.

SOASOASOASOASOA

Venus wondered what she was doing, as she checked her watch.

He was not late, but she felt like this whole idea was crazy to begin with. Close quarters on a bike with Alexander, what was she thinking?

When the bike pulled over, with its rightful owner on it, she felt… girly. Oh God, what was Tara turning her into?

“Hello Alexander,” she said quickly.

He looked like… He looked like her Alexander. Last night, she had gotten a glimpse of Tig, or so it felt, but right now, standing in front of her, he was not the same. He was insecure. She hated that she made him feel thus, but she hoped he could tell she felt the same.

He took off his helmet, and said, instead of handing her the extra one he had with him:

“Can we talk for a second?”

“Sure,” she said, while feeling like the opposite of fine.

He went for a bench, and gestured for her to take a seat next to him. She did so, keeping her distances slightly?

“V,” he said, locking eyes with her, “we don’t have to have that talk…. You know that great talk we’re both dreading? It doesn’t need to happen now. But we need to have a… talk.”

“Ok,” she said, wondering how it made her feel to have him acknowledge that he was too dreading the discussion they needed to have.

“I’m not an asshole, or at least, I’m not when it comes to you. I know you’re scared right now. Maybe not right now, but I know that what happened last night was not good. I would never force you to discuss mundane things in your view when you have a serious situation going on.”

“Thank you for bringing us back to the compound, last night,” she said, needing him to know that she was not blind, just a scaredy cat.

“No need to thank me. “

“Still…”

“I said…”

“How about you took it like a man, and grudgingly accepted my thanks?” She said, with a big smile on her face and a pointed stare.

“Sure… I can do that… It’s just that… I guess. Err who the fuck invented talking? It’s pointless and I’m shit at it.”

“I’ll be the judge. And I’m shit at it too.”

“Isn’t it not compatible with your job description?”

“Ok, correction, I suck at talking, but I’m great at chit chatting, launching a subject and guiding people through their own thinking process. Think of me as a midwife, when it comes to talking. I help people say out loud what was buried in, much like a midwife sticks a baby out of a wary woman.”

“I won’t say that you’re hiding behind great parables because you’re scared shitless, but I’ll think it.”

“Asshole,” she said, knowing she couldn’t deny his statement.

“Probably am. Anyway. We’re living together now, in a weird Brady Bunch way. We need to be able to be comfortable enough with each other. Harper asked me what I had done to hurt you after you left us this morning, and it was not nice.

Venus translated that to “it killed me”.

“The kid is important, she’s a sweet bird, and I don’t ever want her to think that I’ve hurt you, unless I have, in which case I’d like to know.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” she said.

She looked in her purse, and offered him one of Tara’s snack. They stayed on the bench and ate in silence. She knew he was waiting to say something, or maybe to hear something. He had made it clear they were not having that talk, but it felt like something was expected.

“I’m scared shitless, you’re right about that. That guy… He’s ten different sorts of bad news. You see what he did to her face! And to think it was worst before she had surgery… It makes my blood boil.”

“You and Tara, you support each other…”

“Oh God, Tara and I… we’re family. Even more than that. There’s a bond. I can’t explain it, it took me by surprise. I met her, and her baby girl, and I was not alone anymore.”

She thought she saw him flinch, but she was not done.

“They took me in, as one of their own, and it pains me greatly to think that this dirtbag is threatening my… soulmate. I don’t mean that in a romantic way… It’s really about souls meeting and deciding to be together for some time. I sound crazy. Let’s me make it plain and simple. I know for a fact; that if Tara had met Vincent and not Venus, she never would have judged. She would have been herself and probably be the trigger to allow Vincent to become Venus. It’s that deep. The little bird… She’s my precious little one. She’s not mine, but she is, in different ways. I hope I’ll always be auntie Venus to her.”

“She’s precious alright,” he said, and she knew it was his way to say he understood.

“So yes, I’m scared shitless. And I hate to ask this, but could you get me a piece? A small one, something I could carry in my purse. I don’t plan to use it, but I hate feeling helpless…”

“I’ll get you something.”

“Thank you Alexander.”

“We good?”

“I guess we are.”

He handed her the second helmet and they went for the bike. Praise the Lord, she had found some pants in her office as she had been very doubtful about wearing a dress on this beast. Whether she meant the bike or Alexander was something she didn't want to think about for now

She felt his warmth, engulfing her on the bike, and she just let herself feel for once.

When they parked, she took her hands away from hips, feeling regretful as she did. They got into the compound, and she saw Jax and Tara counting the money from a jar, or so it looked like.

“So, did Tara tell you were playing strip poker tonight?” Venus said as a way of welcome.

And as her friend had predicted, the brain of the two men they were with seemed to implode at the mere thought.

It felt good to be a girl, Venus conceded as Tara gave her a wink.


	10. Memories

  Dinner was a small affair. Most of the Sons from the Indian Springs charter went back to their family when they had one, or just disappeared, saying they’d be back later. Tara and Venus went into the kitchen, whispering among themselves, as they made a meal for them, the little girl and the two men who were looking after her.

They cooked some lasagna, as Nadine had left them a note saying she had filled the fridge with some meals they would make.

“Gotta love Nadine,” Tara said.

“You’re preaching to the choir here,” Venus said, before pouring them both a glass of white wine.

Jax and Tig were each nursing a beer, watching over Harper who was playing with several plush toys Tara and Jax had brought over from the house. She was having them interact, which was adorable considering her bear and her lion were best friends.

“Kiddo, what’s your lion’s name?” Jax asked.

“Lion. And the bear is Bear.”

“Smart,” Tig said, looking like he wanted to laugh.

“Are they all boys?”

“Lion is, but Bear is a girl. Can’t you tell?”

Tara had to repress a chuckle, given that there was nothing to indicate the gender of her toys.

“Of course, now that you say it, I can totally see it in Bear’s eyes. She’s a fierce girl.”

“Thanks, Jax.” Harper said before going back to her convoluted plot.

“Dinner is ready,” Tara said, and they all gathered around the table. Venus took Harper on her knees as there were no seats high enough for her, and they started eating. It felt nice. Maybe too nice.

SOASOAOSOASOA

Later, Tara went back to the bedroom which she shared with her best friend. Venus had had to take a call, and Harper was half asleep on the couch. Tara wanted to make sure everything was ready for Harper to sleep.

“Need help?” Jax asked.

“I should be good. I found Harper’s PJ somewhere in there. “

“She’s quite something.”

“I know,” she said, unable to pretend modest about her daughter.

“Then again, with such a mother and an aunt,” he said coming closer to her.

“Flattery will get you nowhere.,” She snorted, before pulling his arm so that he had to sit with her on the bed. “How come all charter look the same?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, this room… It reminds me of the room you had when you were a prospect.”

“I guess you’re right. But it reminds me of good memories.”

She pretended to roll her eyes, but she was feeling it too.

Things felt so… Not like home, but like it had been back then, when they were at the climax of their relationship and everything was nice and shiny. Then things had gotten not so great… She felt a weight in her chest, thinking back to her conversation with Venus in her office.

“Can I ask you something?” She said, biting her lips as she realized she was about to embrace her past, their past.

“Anything.”

“When we were together, and please be honest, did you so much as kiss another woman? I’m not asking about anything more, I just need to know….”

“You were not paranoid. I couldn’t admit that I was being an ass at the time, but the answer is yes. I … kissed other girls,” he said, looking like he was lost and ashamed.

This was not what she had meant for him to feel.

“Don’t worry, I just needed to know. It’s okay. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep at night, I’m sort of plagued by thoughts of the past. I always wondered what would have happened if I had come back when you came for me. I guess I was right to stick to my guns.”

“You were. I was an asshole.”

“Come on, Jax, don’t beat yourself over this.”

“I’m not, I’m just making amends. I know I hurt you and treated you badly, when I should have been supportive, but I guess I was not mature enough…”

“It’s okay,” she said, feeling peace in her heart.

It had been such a burden on her mind, especially those past days, whether or not she had made the right choice. She had. Next time she stayed awake, some other demon would be plaguing her.

“But it’s not. I’ve changed. I’m not the boy you knew.”

“And I’m not the girl you knew,” she said with a sad smile.

“But I want to know you… Tara… If… I don’t want to rush things, but I need you to know, if we were to get to know each other again, and decided to give us another chance, you’d know for certain I was faithful, doubt would never cross your mind.”

“That’s rushing things a bit, but it’s good to know.”

“Can I ask you something too?”

“Sure. Unless I don’t want to give you an answer but it should not come as a surprise.”

“Seattle…”

“Oh yeah,” she said, feeling heat overcome her. “Seattle…”

“I always wondered what happened…”

“We fucked?” She offered.

“I know, but I have so many questions. I know I was pissed when I saw you, at things happening in Charming, and I saw you, and I went for you, because you looked as pissed to see me, and next thing we know…”

“We were in that bathroom… I know. I was not pissed to see you… Or maybe I was. Do you know what it feels like to be in a relationship with a guy for a year or so, and feel more strongly about a past love than you do about him?”

“I do actually. I mean, not with a guy… But I got married, thinking it would help me forget you. Yet you were everywhere. Wendy never had a fair chance at making this marriage work, and I’m not talking about her addiction. I think I went in knowing it was going to end. But I wanted to prove to you that I could be over you…”

“I hate the way you’re always under my skin,“ she said.

“Ditto.”

And he kissed her.

This turmoil of emotions… It should have been too much yet it was perfect. She sighed and leaned into his embrace, wanting more.

This was nothing like Seattle had been, not like Charming. They were both different persons, but this was a known territory. She felt that thrill in her lower belly, as she put her hands on his unshaven cheeks. He felt like a new different Jax, one she wanted to learn to know.

They tore apart, regretfully, but both acknowledging they needed to take a step back before things got too heated. Seattle had been proof of that.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see your scar when we were last together,” he said, touching it lightly.

Had it come from anybody else, she would have shied away. But it was him.

She felt like her brain couldn’t deal with the Jax she had known and the man he had been. Yet…

“I hid it. I made sure the light never fell on it, and that you were always looking at the side of my face which exhibited it less.”

“I hope you’ll never hide it from me again.”

She heard what he wasn’t saying, that he hoped to keep seeing her scar and thus her face for as long as possible.

She couldn’t promise anything, so she stayed silent.

“Well, well, well…” Venus whispered coming in, with Tig on her heels, carrying Harper in his arms.

“Shush, don’t wake our babe,” Tara said, as she got up and left Jax embrace to take her daughter from the man’s arms.

“We’ll… We’ll leave you…” He said, gesturing for Tig to follow him.

Quietly, the two women worked on getting the little girl out if her clothes and in her PJs. She barely stirred.

“How come Tig was carrying her?”

“She likes him, she has good taste.”

Tara gave her a pointed look.

“Earlier today, she mistook my being cold to Alexander and thought he had done something wrong. While you were here, we had a talk with the little one, to let her know it was not the case, and she climbed in his arms to apologize. You should have seen his face… Especially when he realized she was sleeping…”

Both women tried very hard not to laugh.

When the little girl was tucked in, they both shed their own clothes, and climbed in bed after getting their nightclothes. It was still early, Venus pretended to read while she was probably thinking of the man. Tara kept on touching her lips, pondering what could come next.   

 


	11. Surprises

The next couple of days went by, with Tara and Venus doing their things. Smitty lent them each a car, as they did not want to be dependent on the men they were linked to. Harper would stay with the boys, until Nadine came around. The cursing jar got fuller every day, and they had to start removing money from it every night. It was both too funny and too cute, the way everybody held their tongue, or paid up every time they cursed, whether Harper heard them or not. At this pace, Tara would be done repaying her student loans, and the little girl would have the choice when it would come to choosing where she would get her education.

The men were there, even though they were trying to not crowd them. Tara had noticed that Venus and Tig had gotten closer, in a very strange fashion. Her soul-sister finally told her about the talk they had had. Venus had not wanted to hide it from her, but she had not been sure how their talk would impact the way they interacted, and she had wanted to see what happened first.

Tara had recounted her kiss with Jax, and most importantly, the way he had been honest with her and had admitted to kissing other women. In a way, Tara didn’t need to know if he had done more, as a kiss was too intimate in itself. She had been supposed to be the only recipient for his kisses, and she hadn’t. It hurt a little but she was certain that her choice had been the right one at the time.

“Do you think more will happen?” Venus had asked, when they had gossiped like two teenagers.

“I don’t know. What happens when we get home? I don’t want to think about anything more. I’m trying to live in the now, hoping that he knows that whatever happens, he needs to remember that I have a little girl who has feelings. If I see that he doesn’t realize that, I guess it will be a sign that nothing should happen.”

“Darlin’,” Venus said, “he’s looking out for your girl. When I came back here yesterday, he was teaching her poker.”

Tara had laughed.

Soon enough, the charter started preparing for its next big event. Smitty and Nadine worked together in order to get the place looking like a kid’s paradise. Harper helped in her own way, as Nadine would ask her what she thought of Smitty’s idea, instead of debunking them herself.

Kids from the Sons’ families started arriving, and balloons were blown up. Smitty was on edge, seeming both anxious and impatient to see his family. Venus was cooing at some of the babies the old ladies brought to the party.

“I’ve never been to a kid’s birthday,” Jax said in her ear, sneaking in on her.

“You’ll need stamina. They can be a handful, and that’s putting it lightly.”

“Yours already is,” he said smiling, but she could see something in his eyes, something which looked like longing. She wanted to kiss him, but refrained. They had not shared other intimate moments as that one, as if they both knew what was at stake, or maybe they were both too chicken to roll the dice and see what would happen. In her case, she felt like the fact that she was a mom made her less chicken, and more reasonable.

She shook those thoughts away when she saw a couple with children slowly make their way toward the barbecue area where they were.

“Charlie, Eden!” She exclaimed.

“Dr. Knowles…” The blond girl who looked like Nadine started.

“Come on, I’m Tara for now.”

She gave them both brief hugs. The taller woman seemed worried, so Tara whispered in her ear:

“You’ll be fine. Venus is here if you need a pep talk.”

“Thanks.”

“By the way, you remember…”

“Haley, Bobby and Martin, of course. Happy birthday buddy!”

“Thanks,” the boy said.

“Charlie!” Nadine exclaimed, before running to see her daughter, and Tara shared her emotion.

Jax curled one arm around her, as she watched mother and daughter be finally reunited. Nadine hugged Eden with as much fervor, before turning to her grandchildren.

“Grandma, why haven’t you been around?” Little Hayley asked.

“Grandpa and Mama were a bit cross with one another, and they decided to stop being pig-headed, and now we can all be together!”

The kids seemed to want to all fit in their grandma’s arms. It was touching.

Jax sighed heavily in her ear.

She turned toward him, and saw that he was experiencing something of his own.

“My mom… I wish she’d get something like this, but she won’t,” he whispered, sounding so broken she took him in her arms, wondering what he meant.

They broke apart when they heard catcalls from the other Sons. They went to join the others, and she wondered if Harper would ever have siblings. She wished she would, but she couldn’t picture herself going through the in vitro process once again.

Nadine made her way to them, while the Indian Springs Sons were awkwardly getting to know again the woman who had been their brother before.

“I hate to ask, Tara, but, what about Eden’s back?”

“I removed the Sons tattoos. Skin there is smooth. There is nothing the others would have to remove. Things are good Nadine, don’t worry.”

“Well, you’re a mother, you know how we are.”

“I do.”

“By the way, I’m so happy for you two…”

Jax and Tara were both blushing when Venus came to join them, and put an arm around her, saying:

“We did good, Darlin’, Smitty and Eden are chatting. I think that he needed to see it, you know?”

“Yeah I know…”

When Jax looked at them like they were talking in code, which they probably were to him, she explained:

“Parents fear for their children, but also for their grandchildren. Smitty couldn’t imagine how his grandsons and granddaughter were dealing with their father transitioning. They needed to see that the kids were not troubled by this. We worked on it, with a child psychiatrist, in order for them to understand that what was happening didn’t change the fact that their parents loved them so much. They know that Eden did what she did to feel good and be able to be a good mother for them, and it’s what Smitty and Nadine are seeing.”

“Do you remember the Sons, when I became a prospect, just after Clay was elected president? Those Sons could never have dealt with that…” Jax said.

“Things change… What happened to Clay?”

“Parkinson’s and jail.”

“Well, I won’t shed tears for him,” Tara said. “You never knew him, right Venus?”

“Nope, Jaxy boy was already president when I met Alexander.”

“Didn’t Chibs use to call you Jaxy Boy, and Tig too,” Tara asked smiling.

“They still do,” he said with a sour face, and they found themselves laughing.

SOASOASOASOASOA

Then, the day was over.

All were exhausted, and the language jar was full.

“I need to go back to the hospital,” Venus said, wishing she didn’t have to.

“I’ll drive you,” Alexander offered, and she was tempted to accept.

“Nay, stay here, and recover. Your girls may have been rowdy, but I’m sure they were nothing like this whole pack of kids….”

“What makes you think my girls were rowdy?”

“I know their father too well,” She said, winking.

And with that, she went to her car, hoping she would be able to do things quickly and then just go and slip in bed with Tara. She found herself chuckling, as she remembered that time Harper had explained to the boys that they often all slept in the same bed. Tara had said matter-of-factly that she was the little spoon. Jax and Alexander had seemed to think that they were sleeping in the same bed just when staying there.

Venus felt melancholy as she thought about Jax and Tara, and how she hoped they would get together, or back together, whichever way you wanted to look at it. She would not be welcome in that bed anymore… Then she thought of Alexander. They had not had their big talk, and she was not certain they would have it in the near future. They were doing good, being friendly, and perhaps getting to know the other in a semi-normal setting, emphasis on semi.

She drove quickly to the hospital, and started walking through the corridors to get to the clinic.

“Hey Lana,” she said, upon spotting the head of the daycare center in the corridor.

“Miss Venus, hope you’re well!”

“I hope you’re too,” Venus answered, about to move past her when she noticed something in the woman’s eyes. “What can I do for you?”

“I was just wondering, does Doctor Knowles have a man in her life?”

“She may, but please don’t repeat it,” She said. “Why?”

 “Well, a man came by yesterday and asked to take Harper from daycare to surprise Doctor Knowles.”

“That makes little sense…” Venus muttered, wondering what that was about.

Jax knew that the little girl was at the compound.

“How did he look?”

“He had brown-hair and….”

But Venus didn’t hear the rest. She thanked the woman and went to the nearest seat she could find, actually shaking, as she held in her purse the small gun Alexander had found for her.

Kohn had come to the daycare to try and take away Harper.

She felt herself shaking, and she had to remind herself to breath. She searched for her phone, and dialed a number.

“Please come and get me.”

And this was how, by the next morning, Venus, Harper and Tara wound up all three in Charming, California.


	12. Welcome to Charming

Tara hadn’t slept a wink after Venus had come back to the compound on Tig’s bike, shaking like a leaf. Nadine had taken a very hyper Harper with her, and Venus had delivered the worst piece of news she could have.

Jax had exploded with anger, saying he would kill the man, and cut several parts of his body while he was still alive. Tig had tried to talk him down, but he was himself hitching for violence. He was torn, wanting to let Venus know he had her and nothing would happen to her, while at the same time trying to tell his president that it was not a good idea. Tara had paced, not listening to what they were saying. She was reliving again and again when her face had been sliced open. She could almost feel the blood running on her face. When Nadine had come back, saying she had put Harper to bed with Hayley who was staying over too, Tara had snapped out of it, sort of.

Her daughter was in danger. She needed to take care of her daughter. Venus was not speaking, and Tara had realized that she needed to be the one to make the decisions for her family. She had turned to Jax and asked:

“Can we come to Charming? For a while. A little while….”

“You can stay until Harper retires from her job, I don’t give two fucks about it. Grab the language jar, we’re taking you all back to Charming.”

Things had not been so simple, of course. Smitty had driven her back to her house along with Venus, as the boys needed to get things in order. They had known that Nadine would watch over Harper. Back at the house, the two women had grabbed all the stuff they could need for a few weeks. They didn’t care about being perhaps watched, they only wanted to get out of here.

When they had come back, Smitty had ordered a prospect to drive a car with their belongings, the two women and the sleeping Harper, while the two Sons rode on their bikes, on in front of the car, and the other behind it, like a motorcade.

It had been an 8 hours long trip, and when they had arrived, they had been greeted with grim faces at the auto shop which still served as a front for the Sons. Jax had given them a room, before going to talk to his men with his second in command.

She couldn’t sleep. She needed to, she could feel it in her bones, but she was waiting for Jax to come back.

Finally, there was a soft knock on the door. Tara saw that her friend was awake, and was motioning for her to go see, while she stayed with the little girl. Harper had woken up when they had started their road trip, and both her mother’s and her aunt’s anxiety had started bleeding into her.

Tara went outside the door, and Jax was there, looking dead on his feet, but more in control. Once again, she was stricken by the fact that he was not the boy she had left behind. He motioned for them to go into the room next to where her daughter was, and she agreed.

“I talked to my men, they’ll be on alert for the fucker.”

“That’s good, but Jax, and I mean no offense, we can’t stay here. There’s no feminine touch here, and maybe it’s just my memory playing tricks on me, but…”

“You’re entitled to feeling things like that. I’ll drive you to my house when everybody is up…”

“We couldn’t…”

“Yes you could, and you can. You’ll sleep in my bed, all three of you, and I’ll sleep on the couch. I have a spare room for Harper if you want to use it… It was supposed to be Abel’s… But it’s kid-friendly.”

“I need you to know that I’m just too tired to argue with you.”

“Duly noted.”

He looked at her, and said:

“You need sleep, babe…”

“Don’t call me babe… I could sleep with you to chase the anxiety away for a moment.”

“I would let you, if it made you feel better…”

She had to snort.

“I love how you would be sacrificing yourself for my needs.”

“What can I say, I’m a knight in shining armor.”

She bumped her shoulder against his, and he bumped back. She put her head on his shoulder and then…

Then she must have fallen asleep, she figured, as she was fully clothed in bed with Jax. She checked her watch, they had been sleeping for about two hours.

“Jax…”

“I’m up…”

“You’re not… We fell asleep.”

“You did. I just… mimicked you.”

“It’s okay to be tired.”

“Right back at you,” he said, raising from the bed and stretching. “I think I heard Venus and Harper get up earlier…”

“Should we go see them? Won’t your mom….”

“No she won’t… They’re safe, for now. Tig and Chibs should be the only one around.”

“Ok.”

She went to join her kid and her best friend, putting her best “everything is fine” face on.

SOASOASOASOASOA

It felt weird to be in Jax’s house. Truth be told, she was not certain she liked the idea of another woman having been in his bed. Therefore, Venus and her had changed the sheets.

Venus had mentioned that Tig had offered his place for her to use, and Tara had felt genuine surprise that the guy had a place. When she had been there, growing up, he had always lived inside the compound. He used to have a house when he was with his ex-wife, but she remembered that it had been sold. Turned out, Tig had bought it, not too long ago, investing some of his money in something that could not be stolen. Venus had explained that she had loved the idea but that she wanted to stay for a couple more days with the little one, because she needed to know she was fine. *

“Then, if we have our talk, maybe more will happen. I don’t know. My Alexander is a gentleman, your Tig was not. I feel like I could sleep at his house, no pressure intended. It feels genuine, and I sort of want to see where it may lead me.”

“Honey, if you want to go right now, I’m all for it. I love you, and I know that you love me, and Harper. We’ve been living together for so long. I love it, but never believe that you need to stay. You’re here because you want to be. When you want to be somewhere else, it’s okay. It won’t change the fact that you’re my soul-sister.”

Venus had hugged, before saying that she would not cry, and that they needed another subject. She would be staying two days at least as she had said, then would decide if Tig’s place was a solution, as she felt awkward being in Jax’s bed.

“Same here,” Tara had laughed.

They had not wanted to change anything in the kid bedroom, but Jax had surprised them and had made room for Harper, for when she’d be ready to sleep away from her mom. Poor kid still felt uneasy…

Then Tara had caught up on some sleep, and she had woken up, and had taken in her new surroundings. On one of the shelf, she found something that made her pause, and when Jax came back hours later, looking a little rested too, she tore her eyes from the manuscript she had in her hands.

“You found this, uh?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. I would have hidden it if I had wanted to prevent you from seeing it. Where are Harper and Venus?”

“Tig came by and offered to take them to the old ice cream shop. I needed time to regroup, so here we are I guess. Can we talk about this though?” She asked, raising the manuscript.

Jax placed the language jar which had been tossed on the ground when they had arrived, and placed it on the table. He sat down, and lit a smoke, before saying:

“My father had a vision, for the charter. I found it just before Abel was born, looking through some stuff in the garage at my mom’s. At that time, I only kept it but I didn’t read it. I was too… It was just too painful. Then one day, I read it. My father wanted to get the charter out of guns and drugs, and well, that’s what I’ve been trying to do for the past few years. At first, the guys didn’t think we could survive without both, but I managed to prove there was a middle way, where we didn’t embrace society, but also managed to not make blood money, if you will.”

“That is… amazing…” She said, blown away.

“I thought so too.”

“How did your mom react?”

He flinched, once again, but said nothing.

“It was not her place to react. My father was building something she and Clay didn’t believe in. They killed him.”

“How can you be so calm? I’m freaking out right now…”

“You’ll see my mom, in a couple of days, once the dust settles a bit. Are you okay, apart from the John Teller revelations?”

“I guess I am. I’m sure your father is proud of you.”

He was not hiding. He was giving her everything, as in everything he believed in, and everything he stood for. He was not the boy she had known, but this man didn’t feel so foreign either. She read in his eyes the uncertainty, as if he wondered what would happen next. She knew in her heart what she wanted to happen. She felt empowered by the knowledge that she was calling the shots.

“I hope he is…”

Wordlessly, she took his hand, and he squeezed it, still smoking.

On impulse, she reached out for the cigarette and took a puff before coming to sit on his lap, like she used too…

“Tar….”

“Shush. We’ve just changed your sheets, and I would feel awkward sleeping in a bed where we would have done anything. Also, I’m too tired for any acrobatics. How about some good old-fashioned necking? Let’s pretend we’re 16 again,” she said in a voice that was much more confident than she felt.

He smiled, and she went for his mouth, needing to feel like a woman again, and even more like she was his and he was hers again.

 


	13. Oh Grandma

“It’s almost too easy, being back in Charming,” Tara told Jax.

They were at a park, waiting for the Winston family. Opie and Donna were bringing Ellie, and Suzie, alongside Matthew, their latest addition to their ever-growing family. Kenny, the oldest was hanging out with friends. Opie was out of the Sons, after his last stint in jail, six years ago, after Donna had said she would not stay around if he went to jail for the Sons again. Tara completely understood where the woman was coming from. Kids, they changed you, and it seemed like Opie was fine now with his retired Sons status. He had agreed to her ultimatum, and their third and fourth kids had resulted from their marital and familial bliss. Opie had not been on the losing end of that deal, truly. He was still welcome at the compound, even working at the auto repair shop, but when it came to club business, he was out.

“Too easy?” Jax asked, watching Harper on the swing.

“I called the hospital and told them I was taking some time off. Venus did the same. No one asked when we would be back. My patients have my cell number, should they need it, but it feels so weird. And it makes being here so much easier. I feel no pressure.”

“How did you end up in Vegas?”

“I did my fellowship there, with a famous plastic surgeon, and I just stayed… Venus was there, and it made no sense to search for something else.”

“So you’re not dead set on going back to Vegas?”

She pretended to punch his knee.

“Don’t push. I’m not taking decision until I know for a fact that my baby is safe.”

“Allow me to kill him, and she’ll be safe.”

“We’re not having this discussion here.”

“Does this mean we’re ever having that conversation?” He asked, looking very hopeful.

“I’m gonna nod, like it’s a possibility, but it is not. You kill him, I’m out of here and so is my daughter.”

He winced, and she had to ask, as it kept on happening.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I don’t know. I think I’m just jealous. She’s “your” daughter. It makes sad,” he said, looking elsewhere like it was meaningless.

“Do you miss being a dad?”

“I was never a dad. I mean, they took out my son from Wendy’s belly, and went for surgery with the result we all know. So I guess I don’t miss being a dad. But, and don’t freak out, I liked the idea that she could me my kid, that I could be her dad.”

She was freaking out, but she put on her best doctor face, before turning away to look at her baby.

“At least, she’s not his,” he finished, and she squeezed his hand.

Praised be baby Jesus, Harper’s father was indeed a stranger. Yet, she felt an unease, and she realized that it was not so much what Jax had said, about wanting Harper to be his, and more about something else. It felt like there was a part of which wanted….

“Tara! Jax!” they heard.

The Winston family was here, and they got up to greet their friends.

SOASOASOASOA

The kids played, and the adults caught up. Tara and Donna had never been close, but as mothers, there was a bond. They understood what the other felt like, the fear that they faced, which often made little sense but that being a mother entailed.

“I keep wondering if I am stern enough with Kenny. Then I wonder if I’m too stern. I think he wants to join the Sons, in ten years.”

Tara chuckled.

“He still has ten years to change his mind. But I get it, sometimes I feel like I’m too lax with Harper, then I take her to daycare, and I feel like I’m not there at all. I feel like a crap parent, but being less lax doesn’t make me feel better. Not to mention, my kid doesn’t really any difference.”

“Well, it’s good to know I’m not going crazy. When I try to talk to Mary about it… Oh well. She thinks I’m not good enough for her son. I only get a little credit for the children we have had. I feel like a breeding mare when I’m with my mother-in-law. It’s weird, given that I’m not as tall as a mare in real life.”

“I feel bad, about Harper having no grandparents. Mary and Piney, they’re here… Does that make any sense?”

“Did… I mean…. Have you,” Donna tried to utter out and Tara knew what she meant:

“I’m going to see Gemma for the first time in hum twelve years I think later on. We have to leave soon-ish.”

“He told you…?”

“You know, if truth is a clear picture, then Jax gave the Picasso version. I can tell she won’t be the woman I used to know, and more, but I’m also not sure what to expect. I just know that day in, day out, she’s his mother.”

They stayed silent for a while.

Indeed, Jax had told Tara that to see his mother, you needed to go somewhere that wasn’t her old house, but he was keeping mum about the details, pun not intended. She felt like something big had happened, but he didn’t know how to articulate it. Perhaps he knew how to say it, but when it came to her and her complicated story with the woman, he was at a loss for word.

However, she was not 18 anymore, Gemma could bring it on, Tara was not the girl pining for her love anymore.

“Is five a good number?” Donna suddenly asked.

“I guess so…. Why?”

Donna didn’t say anything, just put her hand on her stomach.

Tara burst out laughing.

“Oh my God, you have to be the smallest breeding mare ever!”

“Shush! The kids don’t know yet.”

“And I suppose Jax is sporting that stupid grin because Opie told him?”

“These two… Thick as thieves… It’s good to have you back, Tara.”

“It’s good to be back,” she found herself replying then wondering if she meant it.

SOASOASOASOA

When they arrived at the medical structure, Tara suddenly felt like she probably knew what Jax had been trying to say but had failed to. She grabbed his hand, Harper in his arms, and they went to the reception desk.”

“Mister Teller! Here to see your mama?” The woman asked.

“Yes. Is she around?”

“She’s in the rose garden.”

“Oh God… She must be tripping she’s back in her house again…”

“Language,” Harper said, looking unsure, but managing to break the tizzy the news had sent Jax into.

“So now Tripping is off limit too? What if I’m tripping over myself to get you a present?” He asked the little girl.

“Mom ain’t working, we need the money,” Harper answered in a perfect Venus imitation, handing out a small hand as if waiting for him to pay up.

“Darn, this kid is gonna be my downfall. Economical and otherwise. I’ll give you a dollar when we get back home.”

“Deal.”

If Tara felt butterflies in her stomach thinking about what Jax referred to as home, she didn’t let it show.

They went inside a room, and several patients were there, looking sort of lost, or out of it. Some kids were playing in a corner, and Jax let Harper go so that she could be with them.

Tara took his hand, as she could feel he was this close to actually shaking.

“It’ll be fine.”

“But it won’t… She’s not herself anymore. When she sees me, she sees JT. That’s how I know about what Clay helped her do.”

“It will be fine,” Tara said again, knowing that for all her wrong doing, Gemma would always be his mother, and that while he seemed to have taken a step back from the close relationship they used to have, she was still his only living parent.

They walked slowly toward the rose-garden, where they found Gemma working the ground.”

Letting go of her hand, Jax rushed over, saying!

“Mom, those are not your roses, you can’t play with them…”

“JT?” Gemma said, turning her face to meet him. “No, not JT. Jax!”

“Yes Mom, it’s me, Jax. Can we move this somewhere else?”

“Somewhere else doesn’t exist here, you should know,” she scoffed, and for a second, Tara forgot the woman was in her dressing gown, her hair pulled back, completely grey, and she saw the woman she used to know.

“I think I know you,” Gemma said when she turned toward her, after letting Jax get her up. “Let’s go to the tables while we catch up.”

The initial diagnosis was obvious to Tara’s medical mind: dementia. It could have been Alzheimer’s too, but Tara remembered Jax telling her about his grand pa having similar dementia, so it made sense, apart from being obvious.

How the mighty had fallen.

She smiled and went with the Tellers, as they went for a table. Gemma sat down and thrust her hand almost in her son’s face.

He sighed, and pulled out a pack of cigarette, untouched.

“Don’t ever tell me again that this is not prison. You’re bringing smokes. What’s next, shiv for my own protection?” Gemma snarled.

“Mom…” Jax groaned, and Tara could tell they must have had this conversation over and over again.

“Yes?” She asked, and in the blink of an eye, Furious Gemma had left them, with Sweet Gemma in her place.

“Who is your friend? Oh, I so wished you would bring Tara over, I miss her so much… I don’t like this Wendy chick you are screwing.”

Okay, this was new.

“Hum… It’s me, Tara.”

“No, it can’t be… Tara is…. She’s turning 19 right?” She asked her son, then seemed to realize he was a grown up, holding on to her cigarettes while her other hand touched his face, as if to reconcile several realities colliding into one another. “Baby, when…”

“Mama, it’s Tara. Do you remember her?”

“Of course. I was a bitch to her. Then Wendy killed my grandson, and…”

“I became the lesser of two evils?” Tara offered, trying to cope.

They had never gotten along, only pretended to, but watching the once proud woman and her rapidly changing attitude, as she seemed to jump from a moment in time to another, well it could have made her tear up, but she wouldn’t. She felt like Gemma would have hated her tears, and since she seemed barely aware of what was happening, enough to know she was not in her home, and calling this place a jail, it had to mean the Gemma she had known would be quick to resurface if she triggered her by crying over her.

“I guess. You don’t know what you have ‘till it’s gone. Go get us some snacks, J.T,” the woman said, looking so much like she did in her Tara’s memories, yet mixing different timelines.

Jax seemed torn, and Tara smiled gently at him. If nothing else, she was a doctor. She had been trained for such patients, and whatever happened, she was prepared for it. Sure, her heart was broken, and the anguish he showed made it worse, but he had to know he could leave her without fear. He went for the vending machine, and Tara said sweetly.

“Gemma, this is not J.T. This is your son, Jax.”

“You think I don’t know my own son? Where is my husband.”

“I was told that Clay…”

“Who said anything about Clay? I want J.T!”

Her shattering into a thousand more pieces, she smiled at the woman and told her what she needed to here:

“He’s coming back, had to go to the bathroom. He’ll be back in a second.”

“My J.T… He loves our son, you know?”

Oh God. Gemma was not just mixing timelines, she was making up memories she had not experiences. Early on-set dementia.

“I’m sure he does, and I know you love Jax…”

“I do. Who are you again?”

Both Jax and Harper were making their way to them, and Tara was at a loss. What had she been thinking, telling herself that her medical background made up for actually dealing with someone with such a profound condition?

“I’m…”

“Jax’s wife, right? See, my memory is not as bad as it used to be… You’re Tara.”

“Mommy?” Harper said, and Gemma’s stare, almost predatory, turned to the little girl.

The woman turned her head to her son, and her façade, which seemed to come and go at different speed faded away from her face.

“I know my memory is not as good as it used to be, but baby, that’s my granddaughter, right?”

Jax looked at Tara like he didn’t know what to do. Harper was examining the woman.

“Yes, she is. And we know your memory has been playing tricks on you, but I’m glad you still remember your granddaughter Harper, even though it was me Tara who carried her into my womb.”

It felt so awkward, like she was instructions to actors before a production. However, it seemed to freeze Gemma, and finally lock her in one single timeframe.

“I do. Harper Gemma Teller. How could I ever forget her?”

Yep, the old Gemma was till in there, somewhere. It didn’t really matter that Harper was actually Harper Octavia Jane Knowles.

Quite lucky the little girl loved to play game, and act them out too.

“Hello grandma,” she said, and Tara was reminded of Red Riding Hood.

Jax sat down, seemingly crushed yet elevated at what was happening.

They interacted longer with the woman, but when her mind started wondering to different times of her life, they said their goodbyes.

They went home, and she fixed Harper a quick supper. The little girl was dead on her feet and went to bed almost as soon as she put down her spoon.

Tara made sure the blanket had been folded properly around her little shape, before coming back in the living room.

“So… I guess you know about what happened to JT because she accidentally told you?”

“Spot on.”

He looked drained, and she couldn’t blame him. This act, this way you had to behave around the woman, always trying to handle her right, because that was what it was really about, it was exhausting.

Tara went to him, and gestured for him to remove his hands from his knees, where she placed herself, before hugging him.

“I’m sorry.”

“She killed my father,” Jax said in her hair, and she felt tears well up in her eyes as she heard his tone. “She fucking killed my father. But I can’t confront her about it. Nobody’s home. Whe you talk to her…”

“She’s not experiencing the same reality you are.”

“I hate going to see her. But I cannot leave her alone to rot in that place. What am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, I’m so sorry…”

And he cried against her shoulder. She wept with him. She thought about her mother, about his pain, about her pain, about her father… She didn’t know what he was going through, but she knew the ache in her heart when she remembered kissing her mother goodbye, knowing she had to mean it because there would be no do-overs.

So they cried.

After he while, they settled, and he rubbed his red eyes, before planting a kiss then another one on her cheek.

“When will Venus be back?” He asked.

“Hold on, cowboy, she’s due any minute. But then, she’s going to take Tig up on his offer to give her shelter.”

“Where is she now?” He asked, puzzled.

“With Tig.”

“And he knows?”

She chuckled.

“Of course not. Men…”

He pretended to pout for a short while.

“You should shower”, he told her.

As there was no point in arguing, she went in the bathroom. The hot water felt so good on her sore body and mind. She touched her scar, something she rarely did, as she was afraid it could hurt more than it had when she had received it. It didn’t… hurt, that was. It didn’t hurt. Instead, she was n ow filled with memories, nice one too, where Jax was touching her face and kiss the ache away.

She heard the door and figured Venus was back. Except, when she got out of the shower, and went back to the living room, her friend was not there, and her man had disappeared, leaving only a note:

“Kohn was spotted. I’m on it. Venus will be here soon. Close the doors and windows, only open when you know it’s me. I love you.”

“Well, fuck”, she said out loud.

 


	14. Family

Venus had rushed over, then the two women had closed the house as if a tornado was about to hit it. Tara was beyond herself, and Venus was not doing much better. They slept the best they could, taking turns though they didn’t realize it really at having a go at sleep. Jax came back in the morning, exhausted, and they had both hugged him. No mention had been made about the certain part of the note he had left.

Harper was, bless her little heart, unaware of what was going on. Therefore when they all went to the club to discuss strategy, she just went along, hoping there would be other kids.

Tara could barely breathe. Things had been too good, way too good and they had been lazy. No, that was actually bullshit. If they had gotten complacent, they would never had known Kohn had followed them here.

“Opie, can you come with us inside for a moment?” Jax asked, as he saw his friend working outside.

“Sure thing. Hey Harper, Suzie came to work with me, she’s with her grandpa, Piney, do you want to go see her?”

The little girl squealed in delight and went the way she had been shown.

Then the adults went inside. There were Sons waiting for them, some she didn’t know, and some she remembered.

“Is this necessary?” She asked.

“I trust my men…”

“Don’t you trust us, Tara?” Bobby asked.

She remembered him, he had always been so kind to her…

“Of course I trust you, I’m just… a mother…”

“You know all the respects we have for mothers… Ours as well as those who give us kids.”

This made Tara squint a little, and she wondered if Jax had told his men that Harper was his, in order to rally their good graces. To be truthful, right then, she didn’t give a crap as long as it made her baby safe.

“Ok, let me catch Opie on what’s going on,” Jax said.

He very quickly described what had happened in Chicago, then in Vegas and now in Charming.

“Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to do anything illegal. I had an idea that might just work when I saw you here with your kid.”

“Ok, I’ll listen.”

“We need to protect Tara and Venus, along with Harper…. I know, I know, you’re all tough ass bitches, even the little one, and that’s why you’re here and you get a vote.”

Both women begrudgingly agreed to his terms. Tara especially knew that usually women were left out of any decision making, apart from Gemma in her time. Jax made sure they weren’t objecting and he started explaining:

“I was thinking that we need to confuse the bastard. What if Tara stays at mine, Venus at Tig’s and Opie, could you sneak out Harper back to your place when going home tonight? That’s one place where he’ll never look for her.”

“Because it’s you, and Tara, I would do it,” Opie said. “I’ll explain things to Donna, that is if you are willing to do this, Tara…”

“I won’t lie, I feel anxious at the thought of not being near my babe, but at the same time, I can see how it would protect her.”

“It does make sense in a way,” Venus admitted. “If you and I are not staying under the same roof, then he’ll have trouble keeping tracks of the both of us. He’ll be looking for Harper too, with either one of us, and it could make him distracted. Hopefully, something would happen then.”

“You,” Tara said forcefully, pointing her finger toward the woman, “and you” toward Jax “are not killing the bastard. Mark my fucking words.”

“We don’t need to kill him… If Hale catches him, he’ll get back to jail. And then we have ten years to find a way for something to happen to him in whichever prison he ends up in,” Jax said.

Tara knew he was offering her a perfect solution, and that things would probably not work that way, but she pretended to believe him.

“Okay, so that’s one thing. Next, guys I would need ….”

Jax started to explain his plan to his men, and how they would be involved, and all seemed eager to join. Tara didn’t listen, going to find Harper in order to talk to her.

She was playing with Suzie, under Piney’s scrutiny. When she saw the man, and he met her gaze, talk about a blast from the past. She was 16 again.

“Tara Knowles, in the flesh.”

“Mr. Winston, in the flesh”, she said with a smile, though noting the fact that he was using a can to breathe.

“Call me Piney.”

“It’s good to see you Piney, and I really mean it.”

“Same goes for you… What’s happening up there?”

“I’m sure they’ll help you catch up as soon as possible, away from children’s ears.”

“Mommy, what’s happening?” Harper asked, as if sensing her mother’s distress, and Tara forced herself to be chill, or as chill as she could be.

“Do you like Ellie, Suzie and Matthew?”

“Sure, they’re nice!”

“Well, would you be okay with staying with them for a couple of days?”

The little girl looked torn.

“You can’t come with?”

“I’m sorry baby, I’ll need to do grown up stuff and Auntie Venus needs to come with me,” she said, hating that she was lying to her kid. “I thought you’d like to be with Uncle Opie and Auntie Donna.”

“Uncle and Auntie, hum?” Piney picked up.

“Which makes you great-uncle Piney, quite right”, Tara said, pretending they were talking about the same thing.

“I guess it would be okay, but you’ll call? And Auntie Venus too?”

“We would honey.”

“Ok then.”

Tara hugged her daughter tight to her chest, then kissed her head, before going upstairs to let Venus, Jax, Opie and Tig know what she had had to say in order for her daughter to understand why she could not be with either woman.

They made plans, Tara would pack up some stuff for the little girl which would be delivered via prospect for her to wear at night.

Then she went to spend as much time as she could with her little girl, already hating the distance.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

When she went home with Alexander, Venus felt… vulnerable. She had planned to come at his place that night, even if he still didn’t know it, but coming under such circumstances, it was different.

She sat down in a chair, barely listening when he started telling her where things were.

“V. Hey, V?” He said, coming to kneel in front of her, trying to grab her attention.

“I’m sorry Alexander, I’m just….”

“Scared. I get it. Let me pour you a drink.”

He came back with a glass with whiskey in it, and she down it in one gulp.

“Should have brought the bottle I guess,” Alexander said.

He went back for another glass and the bottle. They were expecting a prospect to deliver Venus’ stuff, and they remained silent, until there was a knock on the door, and her belongings were delivered.

“I can’t believe he followed us here,” Venus said.

“I can. He’s crazy. But nothing will happen…”

“Can you promise that? Can you swear that my sister and her babe will be good? You can’t! You may want to, but you can’t!”

He very carefully came back in front of her, and very slowly put his hands on her shoulders. She didn’t need much more, and she started crying against his chest.

“It’ll be alright,” he said, in her ears, “I promise it. I know crazy. I am crazy. And I promise things will be fine.”

She wanted to believe him so much, so she just didn’t think too much about it, letting his words sooth her.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Tara got up from the bed where she had been trying to get some sleep for an hour or so, and went into the living room.

“Tara?” Jax asked right away, and she could tell he hadn’t been sleeping.

“Can you come in bed, with me? Just, be my big spoon, and let me believe things will be alright.”

He got up and followed her in the bedroom. She the felt shy, wondering what she had been thinking. Then she thought of Harper, and she wanted to cry again. She sat on the bed, and did not resist when Jax did what she had asked of him, be her big spoon.”

“Things will be fine,” he said.

“I want to believe it….”

“Then believe it! Make plans…. I think you should get to St Thomas’ and tell them that you’re an incredible reconstructive plastic surgeon, wishing to come home, but that you can work in Stockton if they’re not interested….”

“Jax,” she said…

“I know, I know, I’m pressuring you.”

“No actually.”

“What?”

“You’re not pressuring me. I have had time to think about many things, and I want us to have a chance. I don’t know how we could make it work, but you’ve changed and I’ve changed, and we feel… We feel good. Harper loves you. I love you, and you love me too… You can’t take it back, I have a note written in your hand which proves it.”

“I do love you, but I don’t want you to make hasty decisions.”

“Hasty decisions would be fucking. No condom, just to forget for a little while. We’re not doing that. I was wondering about St Thomas’ too…”

“Otherwise, the Sons could grant you a loan in order to open your very own clinic….”

“It would cost a fortune! With the nurses and more…”

“You and Venus could work there, doing your trans work. I’m just saying, if you’re the president’s Old Lady, some things could happen,” he said.

“You’ve really thought this through…”

“More like dreaming about it. But yeah, there are solutions.”

“Thank you” she said, as she realized that ever since they had started this conversation, she had felt her anxiety lessen.

He held her tightly, while telling her about all the things he had thought about, in order for them to be reunited, at her own pace, and she let him, sometimes expressing a thought. It felt normal, or as normal as Charming went.

SOASOASOA

When she woke up in a strange bedroom, Venus felt fear, until she remembered… Alexander had gotten her there, while she was crying. He had held her, like he had done when she had said goodbye to her son. He had just been there. It felt wonderful.

Except, he was not there. There was a note on the fridge, saying he was coming back as soon as he could and that she should make herself at home, so she did. She phoned Tara, and she phoned Harper. They even watched a cartoon on TV together, talking to one another on the phone, commenting the plotline. It felt good.

Then time got longer, if that was possible. She had searched his bedroom, and the other rooms, finding nothing she had not expected. She had started reading a book, but she kept on checking the time, so she was getting nowhere fast.

She cooked dinner for the two of them, but ate it alone.

Finally, she heard the front door open, and she went to greet him, not daring to touch him. He looked exhausted, but happy.

He didn’t talk to her, which unnerved her, until he went to his couch, and handed her something.

She took it without thinking and gasped. It was Ethan Kohn’s ID.

“What?” She began.

“He scared you. He didn’t deserve to live. So I killed him. He’ll be found, and they’ll think he tried to have a good time with a whore who will have cut him. I told you everything would be alright. Fucker is dead. I thought you’d want proof, but we’ll burn his ID as soon as possible. Tara doesn’t need to know, she just needs to be happy. And you too.“

“But, she forbade us…”

“Yeah, she did. She forbade you and Jax to kill him. Nothing was ever said about me. So I did what I had to do to protect the one lady I care about.”

So she did the only thing she could do: she jumped his bones.

“Don’t get something started if you want it to be a one time thing, I’m no one trick poney,” he warned her.

“Why, you’re afraid I’ll break your heart?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who could do that, so yeah,” he said in between to kisses.

“If we do this, I will still be me, I won’t ever be the girl next door,” she told him.

“I don’t need you to be. If you want a place of your own, I can deal with it. I’ll support you if you start a new job… I just… You’re everything, V. The Goddess of Love, and all that. You can’t blame a mere mortal f being afraid to get to know you and then never have you again.”

So this was their big talk, she realized. She smiled, then kissed him while he dragged them both to the bedroom.

SOASOASOASOASOA

“Jax!” Tara exclaimed as she got off the phone. “He’s dead! He’s fucking dead!”

“How?”

“Who cares?” She asked. “Let’s get my baby!”

And he could only run after her as she got dressed and ready to have her baby again.

The following morning, when Tara woke up, she could feel Jax behind her, and Harper against her belly. She felt home.

“Hello Mommy,” Harper said sleepily. “Hello Daddy.”

And she went back to sleep. Time would prove whether it was a slip of a tongue, or if it was intended, but in the meantime, Jax buried his nose in Tara’s hair, and tighten his grip against her waist.

So this was what it felt like, being carefree? She thought.

She could get used to it.


	15. Epilogue

Twenty years later

Harper looked at herself in the mirror.

She couldn’t believe this was happening.

There was a knock on the door, and she went to get it.

“Daddy!” She exclaimed before putting her arms around his neck.

“Baby girl,” Jax said, looking awkward in his suit, and on the verge of tears. “Let me look at you…. God, I hope this guy knows that you’re the best thing that will ever happen to him… I can’t believe you’re getting married!”

“Well, given how much you and Mommy paid for the whole thing, I think it might sink in next time you check your bank account.”

“Don’t be silly…”

“I’m not…. But we all know that Tommy joined the Sons, and Harry too, but you’ll still need to pay college for Margot and Gwen.”

“Don’t you dare worry about it, it’s your special day! You know your mom and I are so proud… Boy I’m gonna cry…. I’m supposed to walk you down the aisle, are you ready to go?”

“Daddy, before we go…. I wanted to thank you.”

“Whatever for?”

“For being my father. You didn’t have to…”

“Bullshit!” Jax exclaimed.

“Language!”

They both laughed.

“You’re mine, and I don’t care what DNA tests say. Now, let’s get this show on the road. Are you ready?”

“I’m ready…”

So he offered her his arm, and she put her veil on her face, adjusting her dress.

They got out and they slowly walked down the aisle. She smiled though her tears as she saw the Sons she had grown up knowing all her life. She blew a kiss toward her Auntie Venus, who was with her Alexander, both looking as overwhelmed as she felt. Aunt Donna and Opie and their brood were there too, and Harper felt blessed for the family life had given her.

Her mama was looking at them with tears in her eyes. Her sisters were her maiden of honor, and they booth looked a little chocked up. Her brothers were with her mother, and they were hiding their emotions, but she loved them anyway.

Jax removed her veil, and kissed her cheek, before giving Martin the stink eye, and telling him under his breathe to take care of his baby girl. He went to stand by her mother, and they both looked so much in love, she hoped this was what she was signing up for. Then she was holding hands with Martin, and all was right in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> I have wanted to write this story for sooooooooo long. I finally found my angle, and the way I could write it. I found a way that didn't make it repetitive from the previous story. Go me! Also, I'm writing again. Please be nice, it's been a long time, and I'm super nervous. Let me know!


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